Wednesday, 29 March 2017

That.... Thing

So today is the main sale for Burning Man tickets.  (Registration for the sale was last week, in case you're suddenly thinking you want to go.)

I both "of course, totally!" want to go this year and really kind of don't.

It's a lot.  Both financially and emotionally (and physically really) and I don't want to go through another year of stress like last year.

But I would like to be there.

If I could teletransport there and back I'd be all over it.

So.... I will try to get a ticket in the sale today but if I don't I (hopefully) won't be terribly devastated.

I'm also secretly (evilly?) hoping the playa doesn't dry up enough this year and they cancel the event!  (I know, I'm so mean!)  It's not terribly likely, but this is also more water than the playa has seen in a few decades so who knows.  (Besides Mother Nature, and she's busy being all Spring-like around here... RAIIIIN, sun.... RAAIN AND WIND... sun.)

But yeah, if you wonder why there's a whole bunch of stress in the atmosphere this afternoon... that's the souls of hundreds of thousands of would-be Burners crying post ticket sale madness.

Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Babble Babble Sigh

It doesn't take much these days for my brain to feel like exploding.

Not in a headache way, thankfully, in a "what?" kind of way.

Certain people baffle me.  And then I question am I really that different from the average Joe/Jane?  I tend to think not.

I care about other people.  I try to understand where they're coming from, even if I don't agree or want to agree with them.

How is this not just normal?

Monday, 27 March 2017


I am whiny, so will not subject you to a whiny post (beyond this which is already whiny.)

Hopefully I will have time later today and will feel less whiny (and grumpy, etc.) to remember the things I currently can't think to talk about.

Happy Monday my friends.

Friday, 24 March 2017


Something must be in the water this week (TIME CHANGE MUCH?) because a friend asked if they could borrow my car Friday and I figured I could make that work, so I made sure I got my car to them and all was well.

Except that I woke up YESTERDAY morning and realized it was Thursday and I'd somehow loaned them my car an entire day too early.... what?

I sent them a message "um, did I screw up?" and they just said that they figured I needed the car Friday so were just trying to work around my schedule.

Oh dear.

So needless to say, I'm happy it is finally Friday.

Because it is, right?

Thursday, 23 March 2017


It's nearly 11pm as I write this (last night... since I'll have this post in the morning) and I have no idea how it got to be so late so fast.

Yeah, that's right.  I HATE THE TIME CHANGE!!!!

Eating wise I'm doing not badly, although there was a late dinner last week for whatever reason, but mornings are still killing me and this whole "where did my evening go?" thing is weird.

Partly my fault for doing some afternoon stuff (hair trim) that pushed everything back a bit later than usual, but here I am, 11pm, feeling like I have a whole list of things I need to do before I can go to bed.  ARGH! 

And apologies to my neighbours, I'm running a quick dishwasher load at night for reasons that won't make much sense.  (I was experimenting with some new paint techniques and there were dishes in the sink and I had to wash acrylics off stuff and the dishes got covered and so... time for a load in the dishwasher before it has time to dry and be there forEVER.)

So, um, yeah... time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the ... SOMEWHERE!

Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Oh Geez

I just had this hilarious/sad thought that some plants must be really mad to go through all the effort of growing seeds and then we go and eat them! 


(And, yes, I still feel badly for my plants that are trying to have babies that I don't think they'll ever have naturally.)

Tuesday, 21 March 2017


It's Spring, it's Spring!!!!


There's something to like about each season, and I already miss checking the forecast for snow, but Spring is the good stuff!  Longer days, green things growing, more sunshine. 

I will miss my fuzzy pjs and hot water bottle... but they'll be back next Fall and Winter!

Happy Spring, y'all.  (Unless you're in the other hemisphere and in that case, happy Fall, y'all!)

Monday, 20 March 2017

You're Welcome!

Y'all?  I did the research so you don't have to...

A big bag of chips (in this case, specifically Ruffles sour cream and onion) does NOT taste the same as the small bag.  The chips are bigger in the big bag and so they taste more potato-y and there is probably less flavour stuff per chip surface area and just... small bags for the win.

There.  Now you don't have to go get a big bag and not finish it.  I did that for you already.

Small bags for the win!

Friday, 17 March 2017

I'm Curious

What animals, if any, have special meaning to you and why?

Like, I'm pretty fond of hawks, something about the way they seem to soar and be serene... and strong.  And a good bald eagle sighting always feels pretty special to me!

(I also like bears, and dogs (of course!) and horses.)

Thursday, 16 March 2017

Oh, And?

Further to yesterday's "I don't have words" babble... when I'm feeling low or sad (or depressed if you want to go there, which I don't) I don't want to whine/complain/be negative so I tend to not want to write, and when I'm panicky or freaking out or worrying (or dealing with a panic attack or massive anxiety) I don't want to or can't write either.

So there's that too.  The times when I have a moment to sit and write I may not have much to say and I may actually not be up for writing, or able to.

But hey, I'm drinking more water than I probably did this time a year (or ten) ago, so yay!  (These things are unrelated, but I looked over and saw my water bottle and yeah) ;)

Wednesday, 15 March 2017

Big Sigh

I really don't know what to say here most of the time.... anymore.

Part of that is not knowing how to write right now.  Like, not so much a writer's block in terms of what to say just not.... not being able to talk... sort of thing.  I can't really explain it.

Part of THAT is keeping things contained and somewhat private, and part of that is not really being sure I want anyone to actually know me.  Chew on that for a while....

Sure, this blog is "anonymous", but from the beginning, I gave the link to people who actually knew me for real in reality because a friend of mine at the time told me to write as if everyone I knew would read it some day... so not to say anything I wouldn't say to someone's face or wouldn't want everyone knowing.  He said it would keep me honest... or something.  But, really, what it feels like is it has closed me off from really, truly being able to just say whatever.  And sure, that's probably a good thing, but when my entire life and existence are in a state of flux... it leaves me with little to say about anything.  It's my own little self made cage, really.

I don't really have (anywhere?) places in my life that aren't in some sort of state of change or crisis or confusion, even the places I hide it well, or play along with well.  I don't really talk to anyone... I mean, I have a counsellor I see, and Jason hears a lot, but the counsellor is more about helping me move through things Jason doesn't really "get" me, not that any human really can, but it's frustrating to try to explain and then realize I'm not being clear and no one really gets... what I'm saying or feeling or trying to understand.

I don't know.

Part of me wants to just say screw it all, here's who I am, how I feel, what I do, where I'm at, and throw it all out... there.  But that's something that can't be taken back.  And at times I think, really?  Realistically, no one cares all that much... nor will they most likely.  But I battle between liking "privacy" and anonymity a lot, and not really wanting real people to know the real me in all ways.

I have several online ... presences?  This one, one for my photography (that I'm really not doing right now at all... go figure), and one for my art.  There are a few "safe" people who are aware of one or two and very few who know all three.  And... they're all me.  They're all genuinely me, or aspects or parts of me and I don't know if you could say that putting them all together creates an entire picture of me.... babble, babble, babble...

I'm trying, right now, to figure out what my fear around people knowing ME is all about.  (Beyond the anonymity/privacy portion.)  I'm sure judgement has a lot to do with it, but I feel like it's deeper than that... like it can't just be "they won't like me" can it?  At a basic level it's self-esteem/worth related... probably?  Like, if I tell people hey, I like petunias, and they say petunias are stupid and you're stupid for liking them, I don't feel like I can handle that right now.  It would hurt my feelings too much... and I'm not sure what that's about.  Or how to strengthen that.  I'd like to be able to like petunias and not be bothered if others think I'm lame for that.  (PS  I'm pretty neutral about petunias, but flowers in general are cool!)

So, yeah.  I don't know what to say here or what not to say or how to talk about 98% of my life and thoughts and situations.

Tuesday, 14 March 2017


So I started working out with a personal trainer again.  (I worked with one for a bit last Spring/Summer, but wasn't able to continue in Fall and she's since moved away.)

It's been a low-energy six months or so with not a whole lot of particularly hard effort on my end (for a number of reasons) and, well, I guess my body decided to remind me how little I've done for the last while.

Because that first workout?  Wasn't all that hard at the time, yay!  I mean, it wasn't easy but it was doable.  And while I showered after, I sort of forgot to stretch and maybe soak in a bath that night and oh my lord the next few days....  I couldn't move.

It wasn't even that "oh, man I'm sore!" kind of thing it was excruciating to sit or stand or oh my lord do you have any idea how many stairs there are in this town?  EVERYWHERE!

It's funny now because I survived it but that was two of the worst days (followed by a few more sore ones) I can remember exercise pain wise.  (Not injury pain, just using things that hadn't been used before pain.)

I did manage to get in an epsom salt soak bath the night after and some lotiony cream things and some pain meds but damn... I usually walk and take the stairs places, but I wasn't able to do either.  I was hobbling... it was bad y'all!

Knock on wood it hasn't been that bad since... maybe my body is done reminding me or maybe she's taking it easier on me or maybe I'm being more careful with stretching or who knows but... damn.... Ow!

(Back to the regular soreness now, by the way, with the exception of my neck which is really really mad at me for using it.)

Monday, 13 March 2017


I think I did this last year as well, but it's tax season and I'm pretty sure I've gotten all the things in the mail but... I keep waiting for the government to send me a thing saying, here, you can do your taxes!

I'm pretty sure they used to.... like, mail out a thing.  And then when the digital age came into play they sent out a thing with more things for that or something?

Well, anyway, I kept waiting for the.... forms to come and then ended up texting C-Dawg.... "hey, this is maybe a silly question and I think I may have asked you last year too but... am I waiting for something from the government to do my taxes?"

And apparently I'm not but... I swear we used to... right?

Friday, 10 March 2017

No, Seriously

I'm eating earlier than usual this week in hopes of avoiding the body-confusion weirdness that comes with the time change! 

Also, this March is doing the whole "comes in like a lion" thing and people are hating it.  Heh.

Thursday, 9 March 2017


Does anyone else ever get an upset stomach from drinking water?

Like, it'll be fine most of the time and then randomly... water and ugh.


Just me?
Please don't steal stuff from here, it's not nice. But leave a comment, why don't cha? And drink more water. It's good for you.

P.S. If you think you know me? You probably don't. If you're sure you know me? Pretend you don't. I'll never admit I know what you're talking about anyway.

P.P.S. All this stuff is copyright from then til now (Like, 2006-2016 and then some.) Kay? Kay.