Tuesday 13 February 2007

Fired


You know that feeling you get when you're instantly, powerfully, physically attracted to someone? When you look at them and without quite being able to put your finger on it, sometimes, you just have this animalistic attraction?

You know... that "rawr"?

I love it when I get that feeling, and I've always trusted that it meant something good. Maybe that the pheromones were right, or maybe that the other person was feeling the same way about me.

I don't always act on that "rawr" feeling. Maybe if I'd been a free-love child in the 70s, I might have gone around making love, not war, but I do take note of the feeling, and more often than not, I'll point out to my girlfriends that that particular guy right there is definitely not someone I'd kick out of bed.

Case in point: about a year ago, I was introduced to a well known, local musician. He's a talented fellow, ten or so years older than me, and he has the looks about him of a Keith Urban; not quite clean shaven, rough around the edges, a little bit worn, really not my type.

But man. This guy's a "rawr" if I ever met one. Big time.

I shook it off the first time I met him, because, really, he's not someone I'd ordinarily be attracted to, and well, he just shouldn't have had that effect on me. I struck it up to the G&Ts and the music and his obvious talent.

When I ran into him again last summer, I knew for certain that he was in that category of people, who for whatever reason, just set off something in my brain. Or, more to the point, set off something *not* in my brain.

Later in the summer, I was sitting around with some girlfriends talking about guys and attraction and all those good, girlfriend-talk things. We started talking about guys we wanted to sleep with, and I brought up this fellow's name. There was a lot of nodding and smiling, and more than a few of my friends admitted that they too found him strangely attractive. We were laughing a lot about this when my friend's Mom joined us at the table. She told us that she'd known this fellow for years and she, too, had felt that he was an unreasonably attractive man.

And then she said something interesting. Something slightly mood killing.

She said that she believes that that "rawr" feeling is the result of two people with equal neuroses meeting. She said that when you feel that instant, hot heat of attraction you should avoid it because it's something in you recognizing that you've met someone just as messed up as you are. Or, at least, messed up in the same ways that you are.

I'm not sure if this is the case with this musician, seeing as so many of the women I've talked to find him alluring and attractive, but it is something to ponder. Some of my least healthy relationships started with a very strong, very quick, physical attraction.

But, maybe it's all just co-incidence. My most healthy relationships also started out with that instant, intense physical attraction.

I'm a strong believer in chemistry and pheromones and things that we don't fully understand.

And I'm not worried about meeting someone "as messed up" as I am. I'm quite happy with my state of messed-up-edness and I think I'm aware enough of my strengths and weaknesses that I could happily find myself in a relationship with someone who had the a similar psyche.

Besides, I'm not about to get into a relationship where there's no "rawr" at all. I mean, what would be the fun in that?

So, here's a question for you: Is that intense, initial physical attraction something to follow, or something to run away from?

14 comments:

David said...

Oh, I think definitely something to follow. With the understanding that "rawr" is not necessarily equal to, and may not lead to, "soul mate". But definitely follow the "rawr". You'll always come away with some new understanding about yourself and others that you wouldn't have had otherwise.

It's there for a reason, so why would you run from it?

dilling said...

mmmmm....i've had it go both ways...good and bad. Like the very worst and the very best...although, NONE ended up being "lifers." I think, if you can ride out the Rawr initially, so that you can think, really think, then you've got something you can work with.

Victoria said...

David,
I think I have to agree that it's something to follow, but yeah, it's not necessarily an indication that this is "the one" and it's time to start looking at Bridal magazines. ( Actually, have you ever looked at those? I bought one for a girl friend who was getting married and I flipped through it. ACK! )
And I do think you're right that it will eventually lead to some understanding of you or the other person or the situation.
I think the reason one might run from it is when the "rawr" is with someone you just know isn't going to be a good person to... well, "rawr" with, ya know? ; )

Victoria said...

Dilling, I know what you mean about it going both ways... And I also think it is really important to make sure you're thinking through the "rawr". Must... Think... Brain... Not.... Working.

Thinking does have its place. And point!

Michael Colvin said...

Did you ever consider that your mothers advice was just a very clever way of keeping you away from the bad man. Ha!Ha!

The Single Girl said...

I think the "rawr" is something to follow, but follow it carefully (if you can). I am one for taking the risk and trying things at least twice before I decide, so for good or for bad I follow the "rawr".

You might get burned, but isn't getting burned better than never finding out?

Victoria said...

Tod: Maybe... except it wasn't my mother! LOL

Hiya another Single Girl! :D Maybe following carefully, at a safe distance is a good thing. I love that you say you like to try things at least twice before you decide ; )
I tend to think that, yes, getting burned is better than never finding out and always wondering. Sometimes I find I don't have to follow the "rawr" very far before I know I don't need to go any further.

Laura said...

This is silly. I know the rawr feeling well, and I am now disappointed in myself because I have never once followed it. Too shy. And now I'm getting married next summer so I never will.

Haha. Can you say 'cold feet'?

cocoa_no_gogo said...

Victoria,
I remember commenting to you once that I enjoy reading your blog because I think that you are more "messed up" then me.

Everything is chemistry -- unfortunately.

Happy Valentine's Day! Rawr! and Shine On!

Your pal,
CNG

Victoria said...

Laura: Maybe it's not for everyone, like... maybe some people just know it's not worth following. Maybe it's not 'cold feet' but 'sensible feet'! : )

Cocoa: I'm so glad I'm more messed up than someone... er... ; )
I suppose it all is chemistry. Maybe we all just feel the chemistry differently?

Happy V-day to you too CNG!

danish said...

I vote go for it!

You never know where it can go and what it can develop into.

Imagine, having a "rawr" husband. Could be awesome indeed.

Victoria said...

OOOH, a "rawr" husband! Could be totally awesome!!! wheeeee!

Catlin said...

I've had rawr a couple of times and they became my rawr boyfriends. In my experience in the end, the rawr-feeling either fades away and turns into sweet love spiked with a bit of rawr (that's GREAT!), or the rawr feeling leads to experiments you'd rather forget that ever happened;-)

Djeez, that's a pretty cool word you've got there!

Victoria said...

Well said Catlin! : )

I really like the idea of the rawr turning into sweet love spiked with a bit of rawr!!!!

;)