Today is Saturday. Just FYI.

And it's a long weekend, wooo hoooo!

I'm majorly in need of some sleeping in and some not doing anything, which is awesome, but I'll probably sneak in some work too maybe, which isn't awesome.

But at least I'll be in my pj's on my couch doing it, right?

Or maybe I'll write blog posts. Yeah, there's an idea!


*crickets*


Um, so if I don't see you before, have a great Labour Day y'all.

Just remember...six more days 'til Friday.

And only four of them are working days!

PS Is everyone you know going camping this weekend too or is that just me?

Just me then?

Do you ever hear your cell phone making "the text message noise" in the middle of the night, get up out of bed to grab the text and realize you dreamt it, there is no text and why am I out of bed?

Tell Me Something....

What's the best thing that's happened to you this week?


Or this month?


Or this year?


And what's the best thing that's happened to you that, at first, you thought was an awful happening?

Why Didn't Anyone Ever Tell Me?

That popcorn tastes even better the next day!

People. Do you have any idea how much popcorn I've thrown out because it wasn't freshly popped?

It's so damn good that I'm going to make more popcorn right now and not eat it til tomorrow! Woooooo hooooo!

Whoomp! There It Is.

These last couple of weeks at work absolutely kicked my butt. Quite majorly. And the way things look, it's quite possibly going to be busy for a while round these here brain parts.

Which is why you may feel like I'm not around your bloggies anymore. Which, I am. But I'm not.

Wha?

See, it's the funniest thing. I've noticed that while I usually take time to keep up with y'all and what's going on, I find that the busier I am, the less brainpower I have and that usually means I can't comment.

Or, maybe I could but my comments would be limited to a smiley face or something. I guess I should say that I don't seem to have the brain power to comment right now.

I mean, I barely have the brainpower to post. Can you tell? (Don't answer that, kay?)

So what I'm saying is I AM reading, I promise. I'm keeping up, I know what's going on. I just don't have the brains left to say anything.

So, hi.

I know, this didn't make much sense. It did in my head though, and that's what matters, right?

Right?

Sigh.

Um, Ew! (But Cool)

Hey, anyone remember when I talked about that gum that when combined with Sprite tasted just like a gin and tonic? No? Now do you remember?

OK, so get this: Same gum, followed by a Ruffles sour cream and onion chip chaser?

BLACK LIQUORICE!

Which, unfortunately I don't like.

But still, weird, eh?

So Don't

Every time I see this ad, I think they're doing a really good job of having the message hit close to home for people who don't see the problem with just "having a couple"



Drinking Driving

The Answer is: Very.

Um, how awesome do you have to be to be a decathlete?

It's Time to Play Along at Home Folks!

This gal I was doing some spy work with this week mentioned some call in program she'd heard on the radio one day. (CBC I think, but don't quote me on that.)

So apparently this program had people calling in and dividing the world into two groups. For example? The world is made up of two types of people. Those who smoke and those who don't. Or... the world is made up of two types of people. People who use sunscreen and people who don't.

The one she came up with at lunch was "The world is made up of two types of people. Those who feel the need to take off their shirt at every possible opportunity, and those who don't."

I amended this to "People who should take their shirts off at every possible opportunity (like Matthew McConaughey) and those who shouldn't (like the guy sitting in front of us right now)"

And last night, I came up with some of my own.

The world is made up of two types of people:

- those who speak English as their first language and those who don't.
- those who wear socks with sandals and those who know better.
- those who believe in magic and muggles.
- those who know how many blueberries they can safely eat without digestive retribution? And me. Ahem.

So here's where you come in, my friends.

What two groups do you break the world down into?

Not Particularly Effective.

There's this ad I've seen a few times (and can't find on line to show you, sorry non-locals) that is asking BC residents to look at ways to reduce their carbon output. And stuff.

But the thing is, the ad starts out with these lines:

"Ever wonder what's causing global warming?"

(long pause)

"It's people"

And no matter, what, whenever I hear those words, I automatically think of this:


It's People!

Which is a quote I first remember seeing in a Saturday Night Live sketch years ago. (Which I also can't find)

My point is this: Whenever I hear "Ever wonder what's causing global warming?" I automatically start screeching "It's PEOPLE! It's PEEEEEOPLE!" which, you know, kind of takes my mind off of whatever environmental message is meant to come next.

Anyone else (who knows the ad) similarly afflicted or is this just me?

Flying Solo

I'm not hanging out with Bird anymore.

You heard it here first.

I mean, not that there's really anywhere else you could go to hear about it, but still. You heard it here first.

See, Bird and I had plans for BC day and Bird? Didn't follow through. Again.

And he didn't apologize and he didn't do it well. In fact, Bird sent me a text message telling me he was going to the gym and then to bed.

Which left me downtown listening to the concerts by myself.

And it's not that I'd minded being down there by myself when I'd known company was joining me later, but being stood up in that way, and having the fun evening suddenly lose half its company can really bring a girl down. Which it did.

And then the nicest thing happened. I'd been text messaging earlier with a fellow I've just recently gotten to know (calm down, y'all, he plays for the other team, we're just hanging out) and when I told him I'd been stood up he immediately asked if I wanted him to come down.

Which I did.

And we had fun and we looked at cute guys together, and we enjoyed Feist's (always excellent) show.

But it was a stark contrast to me. This guy that I barely know, have hung out with a few times offering to come down and keep me company v/s Bird who had given his word that he'd come to the shows with me bailing without so much as a thought to how it might make me feel.

Wow.

So I was hurt and upset and more than a little annoyed and so I sat down and wrote Bird out a letter explaining how I've felt he has treated me, especially recently, and asking why he wasn't talking to me about things. And then I texted him and asked him if I could have some time that weekend to talk to him. To which I got a pissy text message back. *sigh* So since we'd made plans with some other people to meet up the next weekend I decided I'd give the letter to him then since I didn't feel like dealing with a petulant child of a man.

And then he didn't show up that weekend.

And I decided to just scrap the letter and move on. Because if he didn't get it, what was my laying it out for him going to do? Probably not much.

I haven't heard from him since. I mean, sure, he showed up at a friend's house, but didn't make eye contact or say hi or anything until he was leaving.

At which point he looked at me and raised an eyebrow and said, with all his charm "What, I don't even get a hug?"

So I gave him one. Shaking my head at whatever the heck he must have been thinking. Or not thinking.

And then he left.

And I burst into tears. I burst into tears because I wanted him to be so different from who he is and I wanted our friendship to be wonderful and if anything romantic came from that, well that would just be a fantastic bonus, wouldn't it? I'd really thought he was different from the person he's shown himself to be and I get sad when it turns out the beautiful person I see only exists in my mind.

So I haven't heard from Bird in a couple of weeks and I don't expect to hear from him again, to be honest. Usually I'm the one who keeps in contact and checks in and as much as I'll miss having someone attractive and male to cuddle up with while watching a video, I'm done being treated like this. This isn't friendship. This isn't even a decent acquaintance....ship.

So while Bird and I were never dating and never kissed or anything? We're no longer together. The one sided friendship is done.

Which is kind of a bummer.

Guess it'll be a little boring(er) around here for a while. Sorry y'all.

Beat Poets are Hot

I wordled my blog and now I'm in love with myself.



Weekend comes,
purple line smiling.
Oh awkwardness...
sex time.
meanwhile?
looks so bacon.

Jimi

I'm a poet. Go see!

Hey, Y'all Are Smart, Right?

So can you explain to me why I'm looking out my apartment window and seeing a blue sky with poofy white clouds and yet I'm hearing thunder?

K thanks.

Learning. (The Hard Way)

So I had to do a lot of sitting this week and since it was unavoidable, I tried to come up with ways to make it survivable for my back*.

One of the things I decided to try was this stick on heat pad thing. The theory being that it would stick to the area of my back that was hurting and give it some nice, soothing heat, therefore making everything all happy again.

Since it's been hot this week, I didn't want one of the kind that you have to wrap around yourself like a belt so I opted for a kind that literally sticks to you like a bandaid.

And what didn't register in my brain at the time I was buying it was that the ingredient that caused the "gentle warming sensation" was capsaicin.

Capsaicin, ladies and gentlemen, is the active ingredient of chili peppers.

Chili peppers.

Um. Yeah.

You know how you might once have accidentally gotten some chili pepper juice on your lips? And how it might have burned and burned and burned in that not "gentle warming" kind of way?

Ok.

So here's me, my back's started to feel a little grumpy so I slide this patch thing onto just the right spot.

Nothing happens.

So I wait. And I soon start to think to myself, "hmmmm, that feels a little odd. Maybe I'm allergic to the adhesive." because, you know, that's a logical thought. But I decide to wait it out.

And after I while I realize that, yes, indeed, my back feels burny. But not, like, ouch I've put my finger on the stove element (but, kids? don't try that ok? it's dumb) burny, but more like oh my goodness that's not a good feeling.

So I sit there while my brain processes where it's felt this feeling before and it finally hits me. Someone just rubbed chili peppers all over my back.

Interesting.

So I make it through the weirdness and the thing seems to help reduce the grumpiness of my back.

And then I have to drive home. With the seat of the car pressing the patch right into my back. Ow ow ow ow ow, forget this, I'm driving like an old lady up against the wheel.

And let me tell you, when I got to the gym, I ripped that sucker off pretty fast. (But not, like, too fast, gently...like you do with bandaids!)

And sure enough, I had a nice red area of irritated skin where the patch had been. So maybe there was some kind of allergic reaction in there too. No matter, it was off now and I'd made it through the day of sitting.

But, guys? Do you know what else I learned?

Do you know what really makes whatever chili pepper juice is left on your irritated skin burn?

Sweat.

Of which you can't stop making lots of when you're at the gym.

Anyone want the remaining four patches?


*The back-story (Ha, best pun ever!) for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about is that sometimes my back (see why it was a pun?) decides to have a little tantrum. Sitting makes it quite unhappy.

That's Good Enough For Me!

I keep forgetting to post about this, but a couple of weeks ago, a random selection of my Safari cookies just up and disappeared.

It was weird, because I just kept on signing into a site and finding that it didn't "remember" me, but some other site would so I'd figure it was a fluke.

But then it just kept happening. In some places, I didn't exist anymore, in others I did?

So, either I'm turning into a spy on the internet too, or the Cookie Monster came by.

Mmmmmm, cookies.

Cool

I haven't been a huge fan of the Olympics since they split them to be every two years. (There was always such excitement for me when it was an Olympic Year!)

And I wasn't particularly interested in this year's Olympics either.

Until my friend told me that cbc.ca is streaming the Olympics. Live. For free. On the internet!

And even cooler than that? They have, like, 8 feeds you can choose from.

So, the other night, I got to see professional* fencing for the first time.

And let me just say this about that: HOLY, COOL!





* I had a friend who fenced when I was in University. I watched him fence once. I remember it being stinky. As in... it smelled like the inside of a hockey bag stinky. So it was really cool to see "real" fencers fence. Oh, and? It really made me wonder how they used to judge fencing. See, now it's all electronic and looks a little like Laser Tag. So maybe they used to judge it by, like, who bled more?

PS I think the Olympics are going to rock for me this year because I'll be able to choose from whatever cool/unusual sport I want according to whatever's available at the time. Hmmmm, mixed badminton or women's windsurfing....decisions, decisions. See, this is stuff I'd never have been able to get to see with plain old cable tv. So, Internet? I love you!

3 AM, 4 AM and 5 AM

That's when I was woken up last night.

Woken right up. Wide awake. Bolted upright and switch on the light immediately awake.

By what, you ask?

Mosquitoes.

It's the craziest thing. I can be dead awake, but one of those little things come buzzing by and I'm UP!

And let me tell you, they're hard to find, so it's not as if I'm waking up, getting one and falling back asleep in thirty seconds, oh no.

Plus, I didn't get the second one in time.

You should see the welts on my arm. Make an "OK" symbol with your hand? That circle is the size of my bites.

We'll just pretend they don't itch so that I don't scratch my arm off, shall we?

The oddest thing was finding three all at once the last time I was woken up. It was at that point that I decided I really really needed my sleep so I put in earplugs and hoped I wouldn't get any more bites.

Hence the lump on the side of my cheek.

Awesome.

Dude

I'm in a library for the first time in a long time, (it's a long story.)

(OK, it's not a long story, it just involves the fact that there's no easily accessible library near to my place and I like owning my own, fresh smelling books. I'm weird that way)

So anyway, I'm sitting here in this library and holy, people, do you have any idea how many books they have in here? And how many of them I want to read? And could? FOR FREE?

I'm a little overwhelmed. This must be how I felt as a kid the first time I walked into one of these things; it's like a miracle.

FREE BOOKS!

August Will Insist It's Time We Kiss Before We Disappear

Apparently a year ago, Smith and I were breaking up. (Or, finally, officially really for real this time Breaking Up, I guess I should say.)

I hadn't really thought of it, but I vaguely remember having made a post last August about how it was a good month to be broken up with.

So I looked in my archives to find the post and as I was scrolling through August, I found out that it's almost a year to the day that Smith ended things.

Weird, eh?

Does a year make a difference? Yep.

Do I miss Smith? Nope.

Do I regret being with him? A little. I think more, though, that I regret believing what he said when we first met. And I hope that that's what I take from our relationship; that words mean little when not backed up by actions. No matter how wonderful and meaningful and well meant the words are.

I heard it said really well in Randy Paush's Lecture when he said that the best advice he ever heard about love and relationships was from his friend Syl who said "When it comes to men that are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do."

Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.

So damn true.

Only pay attention to what they do.

That'll tell you everything.


August. You strange, strange creature you.

I'm Scratching My Head Over Here

This is the question that's swimming around my head these days and one that I've asked some of my closer friends to answer:

Why would a single guy not sleep with an attractive, single girl when given the chance?

And I've had the gamut of answers thrown at me from "he doesn't want to ruin the friendship" (yeah right) to "he has a very small pee pee" (hmmmm, possible.)

So, to the gentlemen out there, seriously... why do *you* think Bird hasn't yet taken me up on my offer? And more interestingly? Why is he not talking to me about it one way or the other?

I can make up reasons until the cows come home, but to be quite honest, I'm baffled.

Because this? Is not a situation I've ever found myself in before.

Really.

And the longer we go without a) some sort of conversation about it or b) some sort of nakedness, the more curious I find myself getting. And the more bizarre the stories I make up about him become.

So help me out here. What am I missing? None of my friends can figure it out, but maybe y'all can.

And on the Eighth day...

I set this post to publish at 8:08.

Because it's 08/08/08 today

And that's pretty cool, methinks!

So I took this photo to accompany this post (because I don't have photos of anything else that had an 8 in it) and then I played around with it because I never do that with my photos and wanted to see what it would look like and, well, I'd bet you it took me 8 minutes to play around with this photo to get it to look like this! (Or, maybe not, but wouldn't that be cool?)

In the spirit of all things 8 today, I'm going to tell you 8 random things about me that I may or may not have already told you. I forget.

1. I don't like having coloured nail polish on my fingers. It's all good on my toes, but when I put any colour on my fingers it looks weird to me. I love it on other people but not on me.

2. I once had a bedroom that was painted sky blue. I loved it.

3. I don't like fishing.

4. I've never seen The Godfather.

5. The only fantasy/dream I've ever had about a wedding is that my dress would have a train as long as Lady Diana's.

6. I wanted to grow up and be famous. Either as an actor, ballerina, or horse trainer.

7. I'd like to try being a guy for a day. Just to see what it's like.

8. I crack my ankles and toes. Sometimes.

It's All About Me Me! ( A Change of Pace )

I don't know where this book quiz came from, or who invented it or what these books are supposed to represent, (and in fact, I kind of wish I did because there are some significantly awesome books not on this list) but I did it anyway. And kept the post for one of those days when I have nothing else in my mind to talk about. Which, apparently, is today!

So, here goes:

1) Bold those you have read. (I actually did the opposite and bolded those I haven't read. Figured it'd save me time!)
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE (I used asterisks since I can't figure out how to underline).
4) Reprint this list in your own blog.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen*
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien**
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte*
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling**
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee*
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell**
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman**
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens*
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott*
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (have read almost all, but can't say "complete")
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien*
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell*
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy (started it, didn't make it through)
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens*
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis (have read some, but not all)
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres*
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden*
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell*
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery**
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding*
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert*
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen*
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens*
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley**
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac**
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding*
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens*
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett*
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray*
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens*
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White*
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad**
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams**
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl**
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

I sure read a lot, huh?

A Thing That Is Accepted as Certain to Happen, Without Proof ?

An assumption.

An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat?

Fear.

You combine these two and you have the cause of a lot of the frustration I feel. And felt, this weekend.

Twice this weekend, assumptions were made and not followed up on. No, not the end of the world, but ironically on the same evening.

Remember Runner Girl's friend, the shy but sweet guy? Well I hadn't heard from him in months and he emailed me saying they were all getting together this weekend and would I like to join them. I said sure and asked if Runner Girl would be going since I didn't know the house the party would be at. He said that yes, she would be going, and then I didn't hear anything more about it. By the time it got to Friday and I still hadn't heard from him I assumed things had fallen through. Or something.

Turns out I'd assumed he'd give me the details of the thing; let me know where and when, but he'd assumed I'd call Runner Girl and get a ride with her. We both assumed wrong. Neither of us clarified with the other. *shrug*

So, being that I was feeling rather left out and forgotten, I texted Bird and asked him if he wanted to go get drinks. (Thinking to myself that he'd read my email and we'd have something, at least, to talk about)

And he said yes, he just had to do a couple of things so I sat and watched Comedy Now online and amused myself. For an hour and fifteen minutes.

At which point, I got a little annoyed at waiting and asked if he'd drowned in the shower or something. No, he said, but he'd meet me downtown in half an hour.

Not wanting to walk downtown myself as a lone female in the dark (see: Fear above), not one to drive when drinking, and living too close to downtown to take a cab, I asked if he'd meet me at my place and walk down with me.

"Um. I'm already here" was the response.

Which, man oh man, did that ever trigger me. See, the way my friends and I roll is thus: we say we'll do such and such, but usually we need to change/shower/eat first. So we do, and then we call the other and say "Ok, I'm ready now, where are we going and do you want to meet us there or shall we come get you?" So, I'd assumed that this was the way Bird would handle things as well. I assumed. I thought that was what would happen, but didn't ask or confirm.

I was livid. And hurt. All crying and stuff. Started a post, even, about how poorly treated I had been by two guys this weekend.

And then I took a breath. I reminded myself that I couldn't be mad at Bird for not knowing what I'd expected. I could be hurt that he didn't think to ask, but that's Bird's personality and not a personal attack on me or my worth.

There was a lot of deep breathing on my part. Some reminding myself that I wasn't reacting to the situation at hand (things not going exactly the way I'd planned) but was reacting to some other situation from the past that this was bringing up for whatever reason. Some fear.

So I sat down on the floor by the door and told myself this: You can stay home and feel sorry for yourself and write a blog post about how poor little you got treated badly by two big mean men or you can go out and have a drink and get out of the house. Come on, it's Saturday night, bed? Or out?

And I started to get ready. (Again. Having previously taken off my clothes in my pouty huff) I decided still not to take the car (am a good girl) and that by the time the cab I called got to my place I could already be downtown. So I texted Bird and told him if I died on my walk down it was his fault.

He promised to admit as much in my eulogy.

I got over my fear of walking alone after 11 at night and walked the well lit roads to the pub.

Fun was had, blue drinks were consumed, and Bird walked me home.

Moral of the story, my friends? Don't assume.

But you already knew that, didn't you?

Bird. The Second.

If you're just joining us, this post is already in progress. Go read yesterday's post. Go on, I'll wait.

"When?" was Bird's first response, which amused me highly, and to which I responded with "You know, ever." because "Well, how soon can we get to your place?" didn't seem appropriate at the time.

There was a pause, and an amused look on Bird's face and as I picked up my drink and watched him process, I really didn't know what his answer would be, but I expected it to be a "no."

I told him, in case he didn't want to hurt my feelings, that I wouldn't be offended either way, and I snuck a fry off his plate. (Because fries are good and I'm opportunistic like that. I asked him if it was ok to have a fry once I started chewing on it)

I was surprised to hear that he'd thought about it and that, yes, he figures he would, but just doesn't know if he will. And I understood, I think, what he meant by that. (A friend of mine, when I told her he'd said this said it was a totally offensive thing to say and why didn't this guy just sleep with me already. Um, I don't know?) And then the gin and tonic kicked in and I spent the rest of our hilarious conversation trying not to kiss him.

And he took me home and I didn't know what to say when we got to my place so I didn't say anything. And we hugged, as usual and he went home and I couldn't fall asleep. Haven't slept all that well this past week, actually, because I keep waking up and wondering why it felt like someone was in my bed. Or I keep trying to fall asleep only to have a Bird sex dream wake me up. It's frustrating. So frustrating that I decided to do something about it.

And this is where things get interesting if I take a step back and observe, like an anthropologist or something.

I decided to write Bird an email, being upfront about where I'm at right now and that while I wouldn't push it, I was willing to sleep with him. (This is a pretty bold statement, I think and one that I was comfortable making.) And Bird hardly ever answers emails so I didn't think too much after I sent it. But my brain did start to tick... "Hmmm, he hasn't done anything. Why is that? I'm a hot chick. Wouldn't any guy jump at the opening to sleep with me? Or at least to get some action? What's the deal here" Curious, I send him a text. "You should stay over if you don't go away this weekend." it said, because in our talk the other night, Bird had mentioned that a couple of nights he'd thought he wasn't going home after a video. ("If you'd asked, you wouldn't have." I told him) And Bird didn't go away this weekend.

Which, you know, to my logic meant he was going to come over Friday and stay and we'd see what happened and worst case scenario I'd have another sleepless night with a warm body to steal covers from.

But he didn't, and I wondered. So we went out Saturday night to have a couple of drinks and while the evening didn't get off to a smooth start due to assumptions on my part and Bird being Bird on his part, things were fine once I met up with him.

And after a while of Bird not bringing up anything I asked him if he had a habit of just ignorning things he didn't want to talk about.

"Like what?" he asked.

"Um, my email?" I grinned, giving him that look that you give to your puppy when he's done something bad but cute.

"Oh, right. Yeah, I didn't read that email. I was busy, it looked interesting, so I saved it for later when I had time, and I haven't had time yet." he said.

And I burst out laughing. How many days had I been wondering what he thought, working myself up over what he might or might not be thinking. I rolled my eyes. At him, for being an email dork, and at me, for working myself up over something that wasn't.

And as he was walking me home later, I told him that I really only had so many more blows to my ego that I could take.

He paused. "Like what?"

"Like, the email you didn't read. And the text."

"Text?"

"Yeah, the text I sent a couple of days ago where I asked you to stay over."

"You didn't ask." he replied "That wasn't asking."

And I remembered everything so many of my guy friends and my brother had told me. "Guys are simple. They say it like it is." And the observer in me was fascinated. Because there was I, being, in my view, very open. And there was he, not seeing it at all the way I'd intended.

"That wasn't asking."

Wow. How many times have I thought I'd said something to a guy clearly? And how many times was it not clear enough. Do I have to completely re-learn the way I go about getting things I want from guys? "Yes honey, I would like for you to send me flowers at work on Valentine's day." Or are there some guys who get more subtle messages? Are there some guys who would have seen what I said as an invitation. Maybe there are. Probably there are. But at least now I know that there are some that aren't.

And before you start telling me that sleeping with Bird is a bad idea, don't, it's ok. It most likely won't ever happen. I'm not sure we'll ever get past the "cuddling on the couch" stage and that's ok. Bird and I may not be meant to be anything more than that to each other, that's fine. But if it does happen, that's fine too. For where I'm at right now? That's fine.

It may not be fine for where I'm at a month down the road and if it's not, I won't go there. It's just right now, the switch that got turned on when I ran into DD hasn't been turned back off yet. And if that switch needs some hot man action before it flicks itself back off, Bird's a safer bet than some random guy.

Besides, since I don't sleep with random guys? Bird's the only bet I've got, and anyway, the way I see it Bird's a decent choice if I'm looking for a dalliance; I know him, we're casual friends, we get along well, and I know his faults, which makes me less likely to have false expectations.

So we'll see. I'm guessing platonic will win over passionate.

And now my confession is done.

OK Fine, I'll Tell You Everything

It was Bird.

The "companion" I turned to last weekend? Bird.

Bird, Bird, Bird. Bird. Bird. *sigh*

So why didn't I mention it? Why didn't I come right out and say "Hey, guys, I asked Bird if he'd ever sleep with me."? Well it seemed like saying that would open the door right up for people to roll their eyes at me and judge. Which, you know, is kind of not something I like. Even from the occasional random stranger who has shown up here and put in an unsupportive comment or two. (Which, um, DELETED, but still, ow.) So, yeah, I was chicken.

See, the last time I said anything significant about Bird it was this: "I still hang out with Bird every once in a while and am no longer wanting to get him in my pants (it's subtly different from wanting to get in his pants) except when something sets my hormones raging."

So it didn't feel cool to have said that and then be turning around and saying, "Well, actually, about that...I kind of am back to wanting to get him in my pants. Sorry!" Not that I have to apologize to you guys or anything, I mean you're awesome...but still. It felt weird.

But it wasn't entirely random.

I really had stopped wanting anything from Bird beyond the occasional person to watch a video with and lean up against when watching said video, because that's a nice feeling and mammals are meant to touch. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

But then I ran into my ex. And in case you couldn't catch it here, it really threw me. Really.

I'm not in the same space I was when DD and I were together but running into him made me feel like I was in no space. Not there, but not quite here. It's hard to explain. I suddenly felt in limbo somehow.

It's been strange.

And sometimes when things are strange I cling to something as an "answer" And in this case, I fell back, for a few days, into wanting to be in a new relationship RIGHT NOW! Now. And I started thinking about Huck and how maybe if I ran into him he'd suddenly remember to fall in love with me and maybe I should drop everything and go to his workplace and bat my eyelashes at him 'till the noticed?

Got talked off that ledge. (Thanks S!)

And then I started thinking about Bird and how, even though 80% of the time he's not boyfriend material, maybe I could be his girlfriend the other 20% of the time and just put my fingers in my ears and go "lalalalala" while rocking back and forth therefore not noticing the rest of the time?

Talked myself off that ledge pretty quick. (Thanks Sanity!)

And that was that. Kind of.

Somehow, running into DD had not only flipped my "want boyfriend not single life now" switch, it also flipped my "want hot man action now" switch. And I didn't think much about it because I was too busy thinking who I should have as my new fantastic boyfriend, why hello stranger, are you single? Until a girlfriend and I went out for dessert and drinks. (Mmmmm, what a combo, I'm drooling just thinking about it) We got talking, as girlfriends do, about guys and I caught her up on stuff. And then Bird texted, slightly drunk from an outing with his buddies. And my girlfriend started laughing, this gleam in her eye.

"Why don't you just have sex with Bird" she said. (Yeah, our conversation had gone from guys to sex. It's typical girl talk, to be frank.) "Seriously. I mean, why not? He's hot, you guys get along, make out with him."

And it was like my brain was hearing it for the first time. Bird? No. We're not like that. Nah. Bird? Wha?

But I laughed it off, telling her it wasn't good timing anyway. (Ladies, you hear what I'm saying, right? And, yes, this could be a whole other blog post, but I think I'm not going to go there)

"Perfect!" she exclaimed. "Then you'll know you can only go so far with things and you can test out what it's like to make out with him!"

And again, I laughed, "Yeah, right. Bird wouldn't make out with me anyway, so it's a moot point." And we left it at that.

But my brain didn't. My brain started wondering... "Would Bird make out with me? Would Bird sleep with me? Huh." And, now I'll admit, I can be a stubborn person. And curious. And if you let things mull around in my head for long enough, often, something will come out of it.

Like me, turning to Bird (after we'd ended up at a pub that, last time I'd been there, ironically enough, had been with DD) and saying "So. Would you sleep with me?"






More on this soon.

Probably tomorrow.

For now, I've got to go get ready to see an awesome concert on my province's legislature lawn.

Happy BC Day y'all.

We're 150. ;)

Thanks!

Dude. I, like, got an award!

No, seriously. I did.

<----------------That's it right there! It (the award) originates from Arte y Pico, which has this explanation of the translation "something like, Wow. The Best Art. Over the top."

So Alexandreena was kind enough to pass this award on my way. Which made me go "nooo!" "awwww!" and blush, while grinning all at once.

It was quite the scene. It's too bad I didn't video it. But, well, I wasn't expecting it.

Am I not making sense? Sorry. I'm just a little... giggly or something.



And here are the guidelines as Alexandreena posted them on her site:

1) Choose 5 blogs that you consider deserving of this award based on creativity, design, interesting material, and overall contribution to the blogger community, regardless of the language.

2) Post the name of the author and a link to his or her blog so everyone can view it.

3) Each award-winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award.

4) The award-winner and the presenter should post the link of the “Arte y pico” blog, so everyone will know the origin of this award.

5) Please post these rules.

And here's where I always fluster in things like this. See, I always feel bad for the people who don't get chosen; the kid who's picked last for the team kind of thing and as Alexandreena said, it's H to the ARD to pick just five people of all of the blogs and sites I read.

So, I'm going to do something a little different and link to five photoblogs or flickr streams that I visit and drool over, but who, I don't think, are readers here. My idea behind this is to try to introduce you all to some beautiful new art. Art that I think is "wow".

Art is good. And as the Arte y Pico site says, good art should be shared. So, thanks for thinking nice things about me Alexandreena! And I hope everyone likes these sites:

In the order that they came to me.....

1. Jim from extrametrical. One of the blogs I've been reading since I first discovered what the word meant. Always has a fantastic picture up.
2. Flickr's explore page. I can sit for ages refreshing this over and over and just going "wow" at the talent and creativity out there.
3. Moleskinerie. One of several groups on Flickr that has shots of people's art and doodles in their Moleskine journals. Very cool stuff in there.
4. Best ads on TV. Not precisely art, but you can check in regularly to see the latest "top" tv and print ads. Some very very interesting, moving things being done out there. And some funny ones too!
5. Heather B Armstrong. Aka Dooce. Probably the second or third blog I ever read, from a link on the first blog I ever read. As well as being a story-teller and writer, Dooce has glorious photos on her site and one day? I'll have me a Chuck. Or, as close to one as possible. I love me some Chuck. He's pretty. But, yes. Art. Plus, life. (And as a side note, Mrs Armstrong once sent me an email that gave me hope that there is a man out there worth waiting for. I've never forgotten that.)

So there you go. Some of the places I visit that regularly show me art that is everywhere.

And a bonus just for y'all since I love you so much? My flickr favourites: the photos I've found on flickr and want to marry.

I feel the need to draw or something. 'Scuse me.

Truth

They don't tell you the truth about sex.

When they show people having sex in the movies, or tv, they don't show it like it is.

They don't show the line that's dented into your skin where your pants or your underwear or your bra has sat all day. They don't show the blemishes, the marks, the imperfections of skin. They don't show the awkwardness, the way things might pull or tug in ways that don't add to anything.

They don't show that beyond the pheremones and scents that work, there are also, sometimes, things that don't smell so good. Taste so good. The unwashed humanity of just the fact that we are not made of wax.

Stomachs rumble, legs cramp, elbows crash accidentally into noses. They don't tell you sex is like this.

And I think, most of us, if we sat down and thought about it, might not ever have sex with that new person that first time. Because there's just so much that isn't how it's sold.

Romantic novels? They tell you that sex is hot. Romantic. Passionate.

And yes, sex can be all these things; should be all these things.

But sex is also human. Flawed.

Sex isn't tidy. It isn't neat. It isn't clean.

And yet? It's still worth it.

It's just funny.

I've been sitting here, for the past few days, since it struck me that I might consider sleeping with someone, I've been sitting here thinking of all the ways it could/would be awkward. And I've been realizing that without that passion, that "rawr", that electric attraction that pulls you magnetically towards someone, I probably wouldn't have sex. I can't do it without that.

For me, when you have the magnitism and the electricity? That's when it works.

But that's the only part they show in the movies.

That's the only part that gets talked about.

But that's not the entire truth. It's just the best part.