Strange But True

So I was thinking about Huck the other day.

Um, and a few days before that too. (So sue me, he's hot and therefore fun to think about!)

Oh, and, before I forget? I had a half-dreaming-half-awake one morning thought about his blog name and came up with a brilliant new name for him but all I can remember is that I thought "Whenever I hear 'Huck', I think of Huckleberry Finn and that makes me think of Mark Twain and that makes me think of [ ] so I should re-name him [ ] on my blog. Except, I can't remember the rest of what I thought. But it was good at the time.

Awww, nuts, now I forgot what I was going to say.... hang on...

Oh, right. I've been thinking about Huck lately. Maybe he's my default crush, you know? Like, when I have no other crush, I go back to thinking about him and how dreamy he is and how perfect we'd be together in my happy dream world. That kind of thing.

Then I had a completely unrelated conversation with my Mom where she said something about how sometimes you have to hear directly that you're not going to get the thing you want so that you can mourn the loss of it and move on.

And then it struck me that before I can completely, utterly, totally give up on Huck and I having a shot at happily ever after, I should get that direct "no" from him. I should allow him to say straight to me that he doesn't want to date me or isn't interested or whatever it might be, instead of just assuming that because he didn't call me when I left him a note with my number on it and didn't ask our mutual friend for information about me he's not interested.

I guess it's like I almost need that last hope squashed so that I can, as my Mom put it, mourn the loss of what my dreamy dream imagination dreamed up for the two of us.

So, I guess, at some point, I'm going to try to work up the nerve to straight up ask him out, to his face, and have him either turn me down then or turn me down after a cup of coffee. (Or, you know, ask me to marry him after we have our whirlwhind romance, right?) (Ahem)

I don't know if I'm getting across quite what I'm thinking/feeling here. I just know it makes sense in my head (and heart) right now, so we'll see what happens.

I mean, really, I still have to actually a) run into him, b) be brave enough to talk to him, and c) ask him on a sort of date type thing while hoping he's still not dating anyone and all.

Now, if only I could remember the awesome name I came up with for him!