So here's what I don't know.
(Maybe I should clarify because if I typed all the things I didn't know it'd be a never ending list so) - here's something I don't know.
And, no, I'm actually serious with this one.
When a guy's writing up his on line dating profile, how serious is he about the things he's listing.
For example, if he says that he loves scrabble and would love to play scrabble with a smart, scrabble loving lady and I don't play scrabble because I'm not very good at it and have never learned to like it, should I not bother messaging him?
Or, if he says that he doesn't want to travel outside of the country for environmental reasons but I would like to do more traveling, should I not bother messaging him?
Like, what I'm getting at is when someone's writing up these things and they say they're looking for X, Y, Z and I'm more of an A, B, C, should I just keep on looking or what?
15 comments:
Don't hang out with the guy who won't travel due to environmental reasons... He sounds like an idiot... But why not give scrabble guy a shot?
People cannot be trusted to accurately self assess. They will exaggerate things and downplay other things. They will omit the bad and promote the good. They will say what they think a girl wants to hear. So find one with a picture that looks decent and then just go find out for yourself what his personality is like because he is, being human, by definition no good at self-definition.
Just... Don't hang out with the guy who won't travel cause of the environment. And if you do... Stomp on his foot once and tell him it was from me.
Http://arealgoodblog.blogspot.com
I would have to agree with Charles. For these reasons:
1. You know you, in that you will know what will impair your life/dreams. Mr. No Travel is going to cramp your life, so any profile which has a definite I won't then maybe skip them, as I doubt that it's something they are wishy-washy about if it's on their profile. If he's just posing for the purposes of the site, well that might be worse
2.Mr. I Love Scrabble, well even if he wants to play it every time he can - it's an easy game to get started with, and given you are well read and intellectual you'll be fine. I see it as more of a way for him to say,"Empty-Headed Ladies need not apply"
3. So go for the person you can see the most compatibility with. For myself if was avoiding the men who love hunting and not reading. I am someone who has to have someone who reads and someone who hates guns. As I said before you know you best, let that and not the overwhelming plethora of cute but mediocre men sway you
Apparently, the rule of thumb is that everyone lies on their profiles. For instance, men exaggerate their height & women use old photos so they look younger.
Having said that, I never put anything into *my* profile that wasn't true. It would be a bad idea to exaggerate your height when you're already 6'4", after all.
So there's no real hard & fast rules. Many people lie, most exaggerate, but sometimes there's people who put the plain unvarnished truth.
So I would look at it like this: If you're mostly interested in somebody but there's some stuff that worries you, it costs nothing to send them a message and ask about it. If he's a scrabble fanatic, he'll relish the chance to talk about scrabble, and might be the type of person who'll relish teaching a novice how to play. Or he might just be vaguely interested in it, but not really all that bothered. Or he might have put it in there to make himself sound more intellectual.
So.. ask!
Your comments really don't like me. FYI, the above "anonymous" post was nothing of the sort - it was from me. Hmph.
I'm thinking that one can never have too many 'friends'. So maybe meet them if there's something interesting in their profile, but not "expect" A LOT-- maybe then you can be pleasantly surprised. Love will find you when you least expect it. (I know, how cliche' can I be??!)
~Kas
:0)
I agree with the posts above. People have a blind spot when it comes to seeing themselves. If you're interested it makes cense to meet in person and see if something’s truly there.
Joel
P.S. If your browsing around OKcupid my profile name is Paperjoel. Come say hi!
Charles, that would make an excellent start to the date: "Hi, I'm Victoria. This is from Charles." *Stomp* "So, do you want to grab that drink?"
SnP, there seem to be a lot of guys who like Scrabble. Maybe it is code for "Be smart please"
I'll do my best not to be swayed by cute but mediocre.
Dom/Anonymous, if almost everyone lies on their profile that's kind of a bummer, but, yeah, I can always ask I guess. Sorry the comments are weird!
True enough Kas ;)
Good point Joel :)
I am very cynical about that sort of thing. It sounds to me as if the person is trying to cultivate a particular "look" online. Scrabble and seriously environmental or just simply "got no money - can't travel because poor and plays Scrabble exclusively because it's the only game he can play for free?
He could also be trying to get with the hot hippies.
If he sounds interesting, check him out. At best you'll find someone to date, at medium you'll have found a friend, at worst you'll have wasted a weekend but managed to get some "going on a date" practice.
Ray, I'm starting to get pretty cynical about it too. Yet another reason I don't like the on line dating thing. It does sometimes feel like they're trying to make themselves a certain "look".
Did I ever tell you that Wendy and I met online ?
Your question is a good one - do people just write what they think others want to read ?
Would the truth really dissuade people from wanting to know us ?
I tend to agree with the Robin Williams character in Good Will Hunting - the really weird shit is the GOOD stuff. It's what makes us who we are, and it's the real reason we fall in love...
Being brave enough to let anybody know how weird we are is the key - and anybody who claims they are not weird at all is a bloody liar.
I don't know if I knew that about you and Wendy, no :)
And, I am so totally weird. No denying that! ;)
I have the same problem!
Guys in Australia all love sport - but I hate it. Should I still rule out a potential soul mate just cos he is obsessed by football?
So I'm gonna do what guys would do in this sitch... go by how hot he is ;)
Ruby, comments seem to have been eaten today which is a good thing because somebody spammed me a gazillion times but none of them actually worked, but is a bad thing because your comment got eaten! I did manage to rescue it though so:
Good point! I should totally factor in the hotness ;)
UPDATED: Maybe fixed? *Crosses fingers*
Read this...very interesting.
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/03/marry-him/6651/
Thanks for the link, Anonymous
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