R is for Running

I can't believe I forgot about my alphabet posts* for so long!

I've had "R is for. . . ?" up on my sticky-note-of-post-ideas for a long time but it wasn't until last night that I noticed that it was next to the post idea "running update" and my brain went "Dur... doesn't. . . running start with. . . R?"

Ding ding ding we have a winner!

Ahem.

So, a running update.





Oh, y'all, I'm not loving it right now.

Part of that is that on clinic nights I don't have a friend to run with and I miss S being there. I loved knowing that she'd be there to chat with or not chat with when my breath ran out and that we could catch up on our lives and weeks and that I didn't have to make small talk because it was a friend.

So now on clinic nights I don't look forward to the run because I'm always wondering if I'll have to run with someone and talk to them, and I don't really want to talk to a stranger. Plus, when I run with someone I don't know, I feel obliged to run at their pace even though I don't know if we run at similar speeds so it's not... fun.

I'm also not feeling the same sense of accomplishment I did previously. This clinic is a repeat of the last one I did so I'm running distances and times I've already run. And while I'm sure I'm running them faster, it sure doesn't feel like it and as I said to someone the other day, every time I run it makes me feel unfit.

Sure, I love love love how I feel once I'm done running, but during it I'm not enjoying myself. At all.

I'm finding it harder to motivate myself to run on my own too, so I've lost a bit of the routine I had going which means that when I do run I'm not feeling as great which makes me feel like I'm unfit and the whole negative cycle thing starts again.

Maybe I've raised my mental standard too high. Like, when I started in September, EVERYTHING was a major accomplishment because I'd never run before. But now that I can't say I've *never* run before I don't feel like I'm accomplishing much, and that's not fun.

I'd hoped that C-Dawg and I would be able to run together now that she's moved back to town but her schedule doesn't allow it and we haven't managed to pull it off more than once or twice.

So it's a struggle right now and things in my body are hurting a bit and so I tell myself I'm doing the right thing by resting them, but then the next time I go out to run I feel like I've lost some fitness or haven't improved so it's more difficult and I don't know.

I guess I just have to keep forcing myself to do it and keep doing it and that some is better than none and that even running slowly for half an hour is still better than I ever thought I could do and is still better than what a lot of people are bothering to do.

I just wish it felt better.




*If you're looking for a way to fill time, you can search around for my "A is for, B is for, C is for, etc." posts. I seem to remember starting them when I needed something to write about when my brain went blank.