Learning To Be Gentle With Myself

(Whoops, guess who forgot that Blogger wasn't working this morning?)

I woke up Saturday morning feeling, for lack of a better term, vomity.

I ate a gentle breakfast and lay down on my couch. I didn't feel great, but I also didn't quite feel horrible enough to take anything for the stomach un-niceness.

After a couple of hours, I decided to nap for a bit. I kept setting my phone's alarm for ten minutes and then coming to and setting it again.

After an hour of that I said screw it, and turned the damn thing off and just napped.

I woke up around 2 in the afternoon feeling better.

Which gave me pause.

For the past few years, whenever my stomach feels less than good I always try to figure out what it is I did that made it that way.

What had I eaten, or not eaten, or maybe what was I worried about and had that set my stomach off or how else had I made this happen.

But waking up after my nap I stopped blaming myself and thought for a minute.

Hadn't I had to take a gravol in the middle of the day on Tuesday when I suddenly felt like throwing up while eating an apple?

And hadn't a co-worker walked out of a meeting on Thursday looking grey and headed straight for the washrooms?

Maybe, just maybe I was fighting off some stomach flu.

Maybe the not-happy stomach I woke up with wasn't my fault at all.

And maybe I just know myself well enough that I knew this was a "sleep it off and feel better" kind of thing rather than a "you ate something and now you're hurting so go deal with it" kind of thing.

Maybe I shouldn't always assume my stomach is upset because of something I did. There *are* stomach bugs out there, me!

And so it was a good reminder to be gentle with myself and not always be so quick to point the finger or be angry with myself.

I think this one quite possibly wasn't my bad at all.

It's That Weekend Again

I'm only ninety something percent sure (because I always like to give myself a mental "you don't have to if you don't want to" out even though I most likely won't take it) but I think C-Dawg and I are going to walk the TC 10K tomorrow.

I've written about how the experience of walking it the first time was amazing, and about my experience of running it last year (which was a real struggle, even if my post glazed over that truth,) and honestly, I'm a bit nervous of this time, even though I'm not sure how a walk through downtown with ten thousand other people and your best pal can be anything but fun.

I'm going to re-read the advice I wrote out for myself last year even though we won't be running it, and I'm going to make sure I stretch and take an epsom salt bath and maybe even pop an Advil, but that'll all just be me being extra cautious (except for the stretching, my IT band insists on that ever since the "bowling incident" gave it a run for its money) because really, it's just a kind of a long walk and it's not like I haven't wandered along Dallas Road for an hour and a half with this friend or that already this Spring.

So here's to us, and here's to everyone running, walking, or wheeling their way through the TC 10 K tomorrow.

If you're in town and haven't seen the 10K in action, you should totally head down and cheer/watch/participate. It's awesome! Especially if you go down to cheer.

The cheering really helps. And the silly ones stick with you.

("GO NADS!")

Anxious

I had an interesting insight last week, one that has come from a lot of work and self-observation and one that I think helped. Or will certainly help in the future.

And can I just say again how much I do not like this new layout and interface and it is stinky and I do not like it and it is making me grumpy when I type and probably will do until I get used to it but seriously why fix something that ain't broke? (Especially if your "fix" breaks it.)

Anyway.

At the end of last week things to do with work (that I do not talk about) got very stressful. And by Friday I had a stressful event (work related) at the end of the day and the afternoon was awfully stressful and then another out of my control and yes I'm a control freak and this was bad thing was thrown at me and by the end of Friday I was wound as tight as a very tight thing. (Even thinking back to how I felt has got me all riled up and strung out again.)

Thursday night, as I lay in bed thinking about the event and the possibility of it going wrong, I started to think about how I might possibly get into a car accident on the way there and how that would just make an awful situation even worse and how would I handle that when we still haven't settled things from the last accident and wait a second . . . Why was I worrying about getting into a car accident?

It wasn't so much an AH HA! moment as it was an ohhhhhhhh moment.

So that's what my brain does. Takes a worry (the after work work event) and runs with it and freaks out about other things too. Imaginary car accident, never finding a boyfriend, getting suddenly ill, losing my job for some random reason, etc.

And yes, the work my therapist (counsellor, whatever) pointed me towards has helped a lot with me noticing when my mind is starting to run away with things and so I was able to somehow pull away and just, well, fall asleep I guess, because I don't remember having a terrible night's sleep.

But I remember being less worried Friday morning and just regularly stressed by all the ridiculous but real things that were happening.

So I'm going to be observant now of when I'm worried or anxious or nervous about something so that I can point out to myself that what my brain is saying isn't so much about the imaginary things, but is really just a fantastical extrapolation from the actual thing I'm worried about.

Cuz it's good to learn that everything my brain says isn't true.

Especially the bad stuff.

More Than Words

Extreme - More Than Words 

I can't hear this song without being taken back to high school.

Not only did I find the guitarist to die for good looking and dreamy, (and, er, can I just say that re-watching the video, I'm still thinking the same thing?) but it was the perfect song to play over and over while thinking about the boy I had a crush on.

I can't remember anymore who it was, but I'm sure with a yearbook in hand, I could probably take a few guesses. What I do remember is listening to this song and knowing the two of us should be together. That nothing was more perfect than this song and what it meant about us and how desperately I wanted him to ask me out.

So it was a nasty surprise to go over to one of my best friend's houses and to have her tell me that she and the boy were now dating. (If that was even the term she used. She probably said "he asked me out" or that they were boyfriend/girlfriend now or something.)

I remember her telling me that and that when they'd talked on the phone (do teenagers do that anymore?) he'd told her that this was their song.

Their song.

I was devastated.

It was my dream and somehow someone else had ended up with it and not only a random someone, but my friend, my really really good friend and I started trying to figure out what was better about her than me.

She was cuter than I was, I decided. In a cute, I want to pinch your cheeks kind of way. And she didn't have bad skin like I did, of course. Why would I have assumed he'd ever have liked me anyway.

Somehow, I distinctly remember where I was standing when she told me this fact, that it was *their* song. I was at her front door, the door of her new house with the sheep in the back yard, on my way home.I think my Mom was waiting in the car.

Teenage pain is awful. It's so real and everything seems like the end of the world. (Especially the boy you love loving someone else.) Which is maybe not so different from adult pain.We just know it's not the end of the world, it just feels like it for a while.I wish I could go back in time and tell that teenage me that one day I wouldn't even remember his name.

And now, thinking on it, I wonder if it was Kelsey.

And if it was Kelsey, he went on to date another of my very good friends.

But maybe it wasn't Kelsey and I just had the bad luck of always liking guys who ended up going out with my friends.

(Also? I just looked up the singer fellow and he's still completely dishy! Nuno Bettencourt for those who are interested.)

We Still Don't Know What It Was

I've had a small ant problem in my apartment.

Small because (knock on wood) there haven't been too many of them, and small because they're little ants.  (People tell me they're called "sugar ants", which is probably some sort of karmic irony for my sugar love/addiction.)

The resident manager and I have been trying to deal with them for a couple of weeks now.  I'm weirdly not happy with the "poison them with trick bait and kill the entire colony" thing, but my great plan of killing them one by one hadn't really gotten us anywhere except continually creeping me out and making me feel guilty.

Then something odd started happening, and neither of us have or had any idea what it was.

There started to be a trail of... debris, under where the ants were coming out from.  (They seem to come out of cracks in my window ledge above a radiator.)

I'd clean it up and half an hour later would have to clean up again.

It was weird.

I googled, but couldn't find anything to explain it so I emailed the resident manager to tell him I was giving in to his poison idea.

"They're having an ant rave," I emailed.  "It's like Coachella or something, and they're making a mess."

"Look out for tiny little water bottles," he emailed back. "That's a sure sign of an ant rave.  And I'll come seal off the cracks tomorrow."

My world is so much happier when people share my happy little world view.  What fun is life if you can't giggle your way through it.

Spoiler Free

I saw The Hunger Games this weekend.  I'd wanted to see it opening weekend, but couldn't find anyone willing to brave the crowds with me.

And then I had a couple of busy weekends and so it wasn't until this weekend that I finally rounded up some people to go see it with me.

And I'm glad we went.

It's funny, I think both of them were a bit disappointed in one thing or another, but any disappointment I felt towards the film was a bit different.

I wish it had been longer.

Maybe I've been spoiled by HBO's wonderful adaptation of Game of Thrones, because I wanted everything to just go on and on.  And when I started thinking about it, I realized that I wanted an hour for each chapter.  I wanted each moment to have the rich detail it deserved.

Not that they didn't do a good job at adapting the book, but somehow everything they did just left me wanting more, it all seemed so short to me.

I was so involved in the book and I think, had they wanted to, they could have dived into the story and brought us along to the world in an even deeper way.

Which is perhaps a wonderful thing to wish - that the movie was even longer.

I enjoyed the movie and I think they did a good job.  Parts of it I thought were wonderful and I enjoyed the opening scenes very much.  And yes, I cried even though I knew what was coming.

I think LotR was the last time I was this happy with an adaptation of a precious book.  I was nervous they'd ruin it and they didn't and I'm happy they did a good job with this one too.

Oh, Blogger

So remember when I said Blogger was introducing a new look and I wasn't sure I liked it?

Well, it turns out (as most technologically based things do) it was more complicated than just a change of font/layout.

How do I know this?

Well, because my posts stopped posting.

From what I've heard, I've been lucky.  Some people have lost posts and in some cases entire blogs.  I have a backup of my blog...not that I'd know what to do with it if I had to, but still.  And really, if my entire blog disappeared, I'd be more sad about the loss of an online diary record of my life than anything else.

But, yeah, my posts stopped posting.

I usually schedule posts to publish before 8 in the morning.  That way I figure people have time to read (but not of course on work time, ahem) and by the time I'm home for the evening I can answer any comments and see what people might have said.

And some days I get home and there are crickets, and usually I just figure the post didn't strike a chord with anyone enough for them to comment and no big deal.  But this week, I came home on Tuesday (I think) and thought... huh, I wonder why no one commented, I should go see what I had to say and why it was so boring.

And I went to my blog and my post wasn't there and I thought... hmmm, that's odd, I must have made a mistake, like put in PM instead of AM and so I went to manually publish the post and weirdly enough, it was all set to publish at 7:57 am and.... hadn't.

And it's tricky trying to report an issue to Blogger, but after a couple of days of this happening (not just a fluke then) I found "help forums" where other people were having the same issue and I felt better knowing I hadn't turned into some kind of ham fisted blogging idiot.

And then the new layout kicked in and suddenly everything didn't make sense.

I'm not a huge fan of change, and have, in fact, resisted changing to the upgraded template since they suggested it way back when, but this was a forced layout change to the "dashboard" and me no likey.

It's also very unfortunate that the new layout has seemingly brought with it the inability to schedule posts as the combo is, I predict, going to make a lot of people jump ship to a platform that will a) allow direct contact and support and b) not make massive errors that go unfixed and un-acknowleged for days.

This is a free service, I remind myself.  And it's worked pretty darn well for me for nearly seven years.  I'm not about to angrily storm off at this inconvenience, but it's annoying and I don't like things that mess with my flow/patterns/routines.  And Blogger's Google owned, is it not?  And aren't they a fairly massive company?  I would think they'd have some investment in a product working well and properly.

So I don't like blogger's new look.  (Or "user interface" I suppose is the fancy proper way to put it.)  And I'd really like them to fix the scheduled post issue ASAP.

For now, I'm going to have to try to remember to log on and manually publish in the mornings while I'm eating my breakfast.  So if there's no posts there some days this week, you can know that my brain wasn't awake enough to remember.

Ugh and argh and harumph and sigh.


Edited to add:  I remembered to self publish this this morning.  Signed in and hit publish while eating my breakfast.  And just got home to find?  Still didn't work.  ARGH!

A Bit of a Ramble

I'm still kind of waiting to catch up on my rest from this weekend.

I can't tell if that's a good thing because it's Friday and therefore the weekend and I can rest, or a bad thing because it's Friday and therefore the weekend and you'd think I'd be less tired a weekend after the tiring weekend.

But hey, they keep predicting rain and it's ended up being pretty much sunny with a few rainy sun showers (except for yesterday) and let's throw in a rainbow or two for good measure!

But it's possible I shouldn't have said that out loud in case it jinxes things so let's just pretend I never said anything ok?

Is it Friday yet? (Woah, did I seriously just type that?)

And I'm pretty sure this post isn't going to post when I schedule it to which means it won't show up until I get home from work and manually publish it even though it was set to publish first thing and so that means Friday will be over by the time this post gets out there so yay?

A Baby Boom!

(I was going to type that "there are babies coming out of the ying yang right now", but then I realized that that could be taken literally and I started giggling and thought it might not be quite the right thing to say!)

I know so many people who are having or about to have or just had a baby. Like, this month!

My friend S2 just had her second, not to be confused with S (from B&S fame) who's about to have their first. And my co-worker friend had her second on Monday and our other co-worker's wife had their baby on Tuesday. And a wonderful old friend of mine from high school just sent me their birth announcement and I had a friend send me a Christmas card letting me know they were pregnant and I bet you that baby's due any day now and I've just suddenly remembered a former co-worker of mine who must be due really soon and all of a sudden it's all babies all the time!

It's kind of crazy and cool all at the same time and I don't know about the rest of the world, but I'm in the middle of a baby boom this month.

Seriously.

Um...

I don't know why, but yesterday and today, my posts didn't publish.

Even though they were set to publish at whatever o'clock, they just sat there. And when I went in to check, they were sitting there, waiting to go, even though they were supposed to have gone hours ago. And they wouldn't publish themselves, I had to manually hit "publish" even though I'd done that the night before or whatever and in six years this has never been a problem.

So, um, I'm not really sure what's going on, but... yeah. Things aren't quite right.

Anyone else?

Cool

My desktop on my laptop (heh, top, top, top, top, it sounds funny now) changes every day (or every time I startup I guess) and has always been a collection of cool desktop pictures and images my brother gave me.

A couple of years ago, I threw in a photo or two that I'd taken and was always pleasantly surprised when it would pop up.

It only occurred to me a month or so ago that I could put more of my own photos into my desktop photo folder and so I put it on my "to do" list.

And two weeks ago, I spent a few days going through my photo library and made a collection of my photos that I like the most and I chucked them into the desktop folder.

This past week, my photos have been starting to show up as my desktop and every time it happens, my thought process goes something like this:

"Cool, a new desktop photo." (I'd gotten very used to the old rotations)

"Oh, that's a nice picture."

"Wow, did I take that?" "I took that!"

"Hey, my pictures are good!" (insert huge grin here)

It's been a really cool experience, seeing my photos bigger and "in use."

And, somehow it's been actually quite eye-opening to actually look at them and like them and think "Hey, that's a good picture and I took it!"

So it's been a fun week, waking up and wondering if it'll be a familiar screen or a new one.

And I'm pretty happy with the shots I took.

Which is a nice feeling.

Hockey

Last year my team made it to the final round of the playoffs and while it was all very exciting and hopeful, my Dad was also going in for his heart surgery right then and so my metaphorical heart was elsewhere.

Last week, I was pleasantly surprised to see the streets once again filled with Canucks flags and people wearing Canucks jerseys on the first day of playoffs.

I love the fact that we all come together to cheer on our team and it's these moments of togetherness that remind me just how much I like people.

I'm not sure we (and yes, we get to say "we" even though none of us are really out there on the ice with the boys) are going to make it past this first round this year, we're struggling, and to be honest, I don't want a repeat of last year's awful crowd mentality choices.

But I'm hopeful we'll go another round, because I love the spirit and energy of this town when we're all sporting the colours and waving the flags and hoping for the same happy ending.

I like the playoffs for that.

Is It Friday Yet?

You know how sometimes you get back from a holiday away and you feel like you need time to recover from your holiday before going back to work? Like, you need a vacation to get over your vacation?

Well, I need a weekend to get over my weekend.

Seriously.

I am completely and utterly exhausted from this weekend and all I want to do is sleep in and rest and recharge and be by myself for a day or three.

This weekend also showed me that my body's still not at 100% from my cold and I got run down again and man oh man does my body ever need balance to stay healthy and stress, even "fun" stress throws off my systems and I need to remember to give myself lots of down time on weekends like this.

But, yeah.

I need a weekend to help me recover from this weekend.

Or Is That Just Me?

Does anyone else find tugboats absolutely cute and adorable and hug-worthy?

Unexpected

A couple of weeks ago, my Mom booked me in to come with my Dad and her for drinks with a former neighbour of theirs.

I know, it sounds kind of convoluted, it did to me too, but as it was over the long weekend, I said fine.

And then last week, as my cold was starting to set in, my Mom called and let me know that apparently this lady's current neighbour would be joining us, and her son, who was visiting from a province far far away.

"So only dress as cute as you want to for someone who's visiting from Ontario" she said.

*sigh* (a sigh only the single daughters can understand)

So on Sunday, my cold and I went over to this lady's house, not really knowing why I was there other than to be polite and because I'd been asked.

And you guys? I had a blast.

My parents are super bright, witty people with strong personalities and I got to see my parents get teased and I roared with laughter every time it happened. It's such a rare sight for me to see my parents with their peers now that I'm an adult and I really enjoyed it. Plus these two ladies were hilarious and all in all I had a great time listening to the conversation.

And yes, the visiting son was nice and friendly and right around my age and if he lived in town I'd be happy to hang out with him again.

And that was nice. It was nice to meet a nice single guy my age, even if it didn't have the possibility of a romance. It made me feel normal again, somehow. Like a reminder that there are most certainly single guys out there and some good ones to boot.

So thank you, former neighbour of my parents, for the unexpectedly fun afternoon out.

Routines

Do you have any little superstition sort of things you do?

Like, I prefer if the speed on the treadmill is an even number, so I'd rather be at 4.0 or 3.8 and not 3.9.

And I still, when I'm talking about certain things, knock on wood to like, un-jinx myself. Even if there's no actual wood around. Knock, knock, knock. (And if I think about it, I probably follow it up with a triple knock on my head too because I first learned it as "Knock on wood, hairy wood's best." Which I'm now realizing might look odd to people...)

Un-Good

Yeah, so that cold kicked me in the butt.

And according to this blog, it was right around this time last year that I had my last cold (or certainly my last cold that was bad enough to write about) which I guess is a pretty good track record, but also makes me wonder if there's something I keep doing around this time of year to get myself sick.

I felt this one coming too. Had a long week, felt exhausted and just wanted to rest, but we had a staff social thing that I went to and verily did thereby enjoy a few beverages.

And as much as I like being just a little tipsy every now and then, I think it must just tip my body over the "strong immune system" scale to "now you're in for it." because I remember lying on the couch that Sunday evening wondering if I was hot because I was fighting something off or if it was because I was wearing flannel pjs in the second week of Spring.

And then I made the mistake of saying "oh, it must be the pjs, my immune system is SO AWESOME it's kept me from getting sick for, like, ever."

Duh duh duuuuuuuuuh.

I felt kind of sniffly Monday and by Tuesday I remember thinking "yeah, I think I have a cold." I had to take half of Wednesday off to have a filling repaired (grumble, grumble, it's the needle I hate the most, that sucker hurts and then it still hurts the next day) so I figured I'd just take the whole day and fill myself with cold meds (because I also didn't want to suffocate lying on the dentist chair.) But let's just say that by the time I got into work on Thursday I knew I'd made a big big mistake.

You know you're sick when your co-workers take one look at you and say (while backing away) "You should really go home."

So I did.

And I managed to use the last reserves of my energy to buy some food and that magic juice someone recommended to me last year and then I got really sick.

Like, not just the sniffles sick, but this cold is trying to kill me and I almost wish it would succeed kind of sick.

I did a pretty good job taking care of myself, drank lots of fluids, napped and rested, made myself eat well even though I wasn't hungry and (gasp) couldn't even stand the thought of chocolate! It was a bad one though, and I had a couple of nasty days.

I was really actually grateful that it was the long weekend so I didn't have to take any more days off of work and that people were understanding of me backing out of visits and events.

I looked almost as hideous as I felt, which could have been amusing and I read a book or two while I wasn't napping and I even got out in the fresh air for a walk one sunny day, but thankfully, I hit a Neo Citran Saturday night and that seemed to just (sorry to be gross...) dry things up and when I woke up Sunday morning I remember thinking that I felt human again.

Like, a human with a cold, sure, but human. And I was really really grateful.

My Mom always says that an illness that comes on quickly (flu, food poisoning, the like) goes quickly, and the bad part of this cold stuck to that rule. And it was such a relief to feel "just" sick rather than horribly sick that I don't mind that I'm still not at my best.

The weirdest lingering part of this cold is the brain-slowness. Like, sure, I understand that I'm still a bit sniffly and that my throat and head are still a bit sore but I did not know that my entire brain was still going to be filled with cotton balls.

Like, why does walking and chewing gum have to be so complicated?

So I was feeling really really un-good, but now I'm just feeling a little bit not 100% and I'm promising myself to not mix tired and alcohol again especially next April. I'd like to break the April streak!

Home For A Rest

You'll have to excuse me, I'm not at my best
I was sick all last week, and I've got no brains left
This so called real bad cold was nearly my death
Was so sick from a cold, I stayed home for a rest


(For those of you who don't know)

Unrelated Thoughts

I've just spent the last ten minutes watching these two crows do this.... thing. One of them lands on a branch and then the other one comes and lands on it so the first guy has to go to a lower branch and then the other guy lands on it and they just kept doing it until the first guy took off. And all I want to know is why? Is this a dominance territory thing? Is it a Spring/mating thing? Is it a "I just don't like you" thing? Is it something even less human?

Happy Easter weekend guys. (I kind of forgot about it, probably because the candy and chocolate has been in the store for so long. Guess I'll have to say bye bye to Cadbury's creme eggs for another year.)

I really want a breakfasty breakfast. Wanted it for dinner last night too. But I only have eggs and bread in the house.

I want to meet Steve really really soon so we can go on a date to see Hunger Games.

I have new upstairs neighbours.

I already did my taxes. And got a refund.

I didn't do anything fun with it.

I was texting with my best friend from highschool when I told her I wanted breakfast for dinner. She told me she was making corn and fish sticks and rice for their dinner (she has two kids) and all I could think was "how the heck did we get grown up enough for her to be making dinner for her kids. Like a real adult."

I made sugar cookies this weekend. I don't own a mixer. I mixed by hand. Literally. I broke my wooden spoon, so I just dug right in there.

I think the icing is what makes them taste good.

You know how sometimes you hear a song and you like it but then months later it comes on just at the perfect time on the perfect day and it becomes your anthem and you fall madly in love with it like never before? This.

Hugs all round.

How Does It Know?

Why is your hair always awesome the day you're going to go get it cut?

Seriously! It's perfect!

Are You?

Are we all socially awkward to some degree or just some of us?

Other than at work, when I'm totally in spy mode, I rarely feel completely at ease.

It's some combination of wanting to do what would make the most people comfortable while still being comfortable myself and wanting to just do whatever it is I want to do even when I don't know what it is I want to do.

Like, I really don't like meeting people somewhere. Our staff recently had a social event and I drove there with my closest co-worker friend and her husband and another co-worker and I was comfortable. But when we got there and I saw that some of our staff were already there and some hadn't arrived yet I felt awkward. Like...where do I sit?

And is it ok to not interact with everyone particularly? And does anyone notice that I'm sitting here by myself and I kind of don't mind but I also wish I wasn't by myself?

I genuinely don't know if everyone has some variation of these thoughts or if it's just some of us. I know I'm not alone in this sort of social awkwardness and you'd probably never know it to meet me, but still...

I guess I'm wondering if there are some people who feel comfortable and/or confident in pretty much any and all social situations.

Reddit has a meme (which I will forever call a "me me" thank you very much) called "SAP" which stands for Socially Awkward Penguin. People create these mini stories about a situation where they were awkward; kissed someone who was going for a hug or tripped down the stairs in class or whatever.

Are we all just at least a little bit of a socially awkward penguin at some point?

Awwww Man

I've just realized, I'm running out of months to get married.

At some point in the last decade or so, I decided it would be really cool to get married on one of the "all the same number" days.

Like to get married on the first of January 2001 so my wedding day would be 01/01/01. And I figured I had a bunch of time to get married, but I've just realized that I've run out of years that work.

December 12th of this year would be my last chance to get married on a matching day and I think it might be rushing it to meet someone, get engaged and married all in the span of nine months. (Heh.... unless it was a shotgun wedding I guess.)

Maybe I'll have to aim for January 15th 2015 or April 4 2014 or something instead.

Too bad about 12/12/12 though, that's a bummer.

(Happy fourth of the fourth, by the way.)

You Really Are

I suppose this will apply equally to real life, but I've noticed that on the blogs I read, people don't tend to see themselves the way I (and I assume others) see them.

I read a few blogs where the people post pictures of themselves and/or themselves and their kids and often the people will say something about how they look extra tired today or how they think their hair/lips/teeth/skin isn't good or something that I'm sure they see, but I don't.

Most of the time I think they look great, or I see something in them they don't seem to have noticed. Or I wouldn't have noticed the flaw they pointed out if they hadn't pointed it out.

And because these people are strangers, it's not like I can just call them up or sit them down and say listen... you're way prettier/handsomer than you seem to think, you really are!

So if I could tell the entire Internet something, or at least the portions of the internet I read and follow, I'd tell it that you're all so so so much better looking than you give yourselves credit for. So stop picking yourself apart because from where I'm standing (sitting, actually) you look great.

And you have pretty eyes and your smile is awesome and I love your freckles and I wish I had your hair and your body is rockin' and you never look tired to me and I wish you could see yourself how I see you.

Why Don't They Teach This Stuff In Schools?

I realized the other day, rather depressingly, that everything I know about relationships and love I learned from tv and movies.

And books too, I suppose.

But my guidance growing up and heading into my first relationships was from the Hollywood type love stories that only now am I realizing aren't how reality works.

Maybe some people's parents sit them down and talk about relationships and how they can work or could work or should work, but I'd venture to suggest that not many do, and where else do you discover about how to respect someone in a relationship and how to be respected in a relationship and what a real, healthy relationship looks like than through what you read, see, and watch.

When I watch shows nowadays that are aimed at today's teens or youth (yes I do watch 90210 and Glee, leave me alone!) I think they're being shown an even more unrealistic portrayal of love (and sex!) than I probably grew up with.

So, armed with this new realization; that my fairy tale romance is not going to actually be a Rom-Com Chick Flick, how do I figure out how to fall in love and stay in love?

Seriously, someone should have taught me how this really works.