We're All Canada

I've been crying at a lot of things this past week or so.

Doesn't take much to tip me over into a sobbing mess, there was even a moment at work last week where I got mad at an interaction and ended up in (private, unseen) tears.

I suppose it's inevitable that when stress is high, tears are near for me. It's in these moments, though, that I feel like there's a never-ending well of extraordinarily deep sadness in me and while I used to think that meant I was broken in some way, now I just think it means I feel more than some people do. (Or maybe not, what do I know.)

One thing I do know, is that within my family, I'm different; feelings wise.

I used to think this meant I was wrong, and then for a while I thought it meant *they* were wrong and then I just kind of shrugged and figured it didn't matter who was right or wrong, they just didn't get me...or something.

A few months ago, when I spoke to the Heart Health counsellor at the hospital where my Dad completed his physical rehab program (yay Dad, well done!) she said something to me that was one of those Oprah trademarked "A Ha" moments; a true lightbulb moment I guess.

In talking about how I felt within my family and how we were all coping with my Dad's illness and ongoing recovery, she pointed out to me that we were all different.

"We're all Canada," she said.

And suddenly, I knew what she meant.

I see the world the way I see it and that includes being in touch with my emotions and wanting to hug and touch and talk and be close. And the other members of my family see the world the way they see it and they have their comfort zones with emotions and closeness and talking and sharing and we are all different. And that's ok.

I'd never seen it that way before, and even now I'm not able to clearly explain what it was she said; it just made sense.

See, Canada is known as a cultural mosiac...where people from all different cultures and countries come together and make a beautiful image. We're not a cultural melting pot - which is where people from all over might be expected to come together and change into the culture of that country. So for this counsellor to say that "we're all Canada", she meant that we're all different and aren't meant to be like each other and that as a family member, I have to accept that and value it.

So maybe I do feel things differently than, certainly the members of my family. That doesn't make me better or worse than anyone, it just makes me different.

Maybe I cried a lot last week, and maybe I'm going to keep on crying all this week too. It doesn't make me wrong, it just makes me me, getting through this tough time.

And because "we're all Canada", I can't expect my family to understand or to know how to help me, I can just expect them to be who they are and appreciate them for that. And maybe most of all, I have to make sure I take care of myself, because I'm the only one who understands what it is I need, and within my family, (and kind of within my friends) I'm the only one who has the touchy-feely-talk-about-it-let-me-hug-you-ness that I need.