Tuesday 31 July 2012

Stumbling

Cruising by foundimagination
This may not make sense to anyone other than me, but I kind of don't know how to write right now.

In fact, yesterday's post was one I had written a couple of weeks ago and held back for a day when I needed a post.

Like yesterday.

My Dad needs another intervention for his heart.

And the news absolutely floored me.

My Mom called to let me know and as soon as she told me I started crying on the phone. Full on crying and all I could say was "why?"

Why, when it's been a year since his open heart surgery aren't things better? Why can't he just be healthy from now on? Why did this happen? Why can't he be ok?

Just, why?

I know I'm in shock, I can feel it, and all I can do is cry and feel stunned right now. Try to remember to eat and how to function.

I'm devastated right now, and I may need a couple of days before things feel different.

So if I don't post for a few days you know why.

But maybe I will. Who knows. I'm just saying.

I didn't want to do this again.

And I didn't want reminded that my parents will not always be here.

That's a low blow.

8 comments:

Bad.Days said...

Though I don't know your dad's diagnosis, I have great faith in the medical system. My own dad has made it through two open heart surgeries with flying colours.

My thoughts are with you.

Anonymous said...

Hi Victoria,
I'm so very, very sorry about this news. I hope everything goes well for your Dad and your family. There's no other term for sickness...it sucks.

Try and be strong for your parents.

Know that people are wishing the best for you and your family.

- Elliott

Anonymous said...

I am sorry that you have received this upsetting news. But the op last year was apparently not the last thing so he is going to benefit from some tinkering ... do you think you would feel better if you knew what exactly was going to be done and why or just faithfully waiting for the docs to do their job?
Would your father want to speak about it with you?

Decide what level of knowledge might temper your worry.

Canadian Anne in England
(trans-Atlantic hug included)

narami said...

I hope you can feel better about the news soon; I agree with Canadian Anne, try to work into what would help you feel better.

Also wishing everything goes well with your dad's health.

Be strong. Both of you.

Victoria said...

Thanks Bad.Days....glad to hear about your Dad.

Thanks Elliott, I will.

Thanks Anne, I know what's going on and why it's needed, (I'm not sure if I want to know or not, but I do anyway) I just wish it wasn't needed.

Thank you Narami.

Nithya said...

Dear Victoria,

I am really sorry about the news. My wishes are with you and your family. I wish for you to be strong and happy.

Dominic said...

*hugs* as always

Victoria said...

Thank you Nithya.

Thanks D. Hugs always accepted.