I think I just assume now that I'm going to be rejected.
And yet, it still hurts deep down in the very core of me when I am.
You'd think that expecting it would make the rejection easier, but I think because it affirms the worst thoughts I have about myself, it ends up being worse.
Sometimes I wish the little tiny hopeful part of me would just get crushed and die already because then it wouldn't get kicked around anymore. I wish it would stop pulling itself together and believing that maybe next time, maybe THIS time it'll be different.
I can't take it anymore, I don't want to. And I don't mean life, I mean the desire to have a partner, to be loved and in love.
I want to give up and I'm sick of getting over the pain and trying again. I want to quit and never ever ever go through anything again.
Ever.
9 comments:
Don't give up! Some people just meet the right person later in life. It's your optimism that will help you see that person when he finally shows up. Then you can ask him where the hell he's been all your life :)
Thanks Dominic.
Not sure I have it in me to un-give up Datea....suppose only time will tell.
Hi Victoria,
Sorry you're going through this. Rejection sucks, no matter what the reason. I found out today that a company I have been interviewing went with another candidate...rejection hurts and is no fun, no matter what part of your life it happens in.
I met my wife when I turned 30 and she was a few years older than me. Like someone else said, it can always happen.
My fingers are crossed for you and I hope you can dwell on all your positives and not on the rejection. I know, it's hard.
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- Elliott
That's no fun Elliott, sorry to hear that. But, thanks.
You do realise, the moment you give up, Peter Perfect will turn up.
You said exactly everything I have been feeling these past few years. I know exactly how you feel. I wish I could just become indifferent to finding my partner. Like it wouldn't matter and I just didn't care that I was single. Yet, this hope does not die and I feel tortured.
Victoria,
I just started reading your blog last night. I'm not sure why I became entranced with your writing, and perhaps its because I think I understand everything you're going through. As Forest Gump says - life is like a box of chocolates... but why do I always get the coconut filled chocolate when I hate coconut?
Hang in there. Things haven't worked out for you yet, but you're obviously smart and a talented writer with a large personality. Someone will be lucky to find you.
In the meantime - I've started a blog over the past week to document my thoughts and feelings in my own little dramatized world. I'd be honored if you followed me.
http://notduckingmyduties.wordpress.com/
hi there... going through the same thing as you. feel the same way, thought the same way. you are not alone. till one day, we truly give up hope, we will keep trying, get our hopes high and get hurt and the cycle continues. what to do... hang on! be tough! just think that u r not alone, i am in singapore. you are in australia, yet we are going through exactly the same thing. i am sure, many women around this world is facing similar stuff. dun ask the "why me" question. it wont get answered. brace yourself, tomorrow is another day.
Jonathan, the way I feel right now, Peter Perfect can go screw himself! *sigh*
I totally get what you're saying Anon, if only the "caring about it" would just go away. It would be so much easier. Sigh.
Good for you starting a blog NotDucking, it can be helpful in some ways to "talk" about what you're going through. Good luck with everything.
I know Anonymous, it does help a bit to know other people feel the same way, but that also makes me sad that we can't all just be happy. But as you say, tomorrow's another day, no matter what side of the world you're on! ;)
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