Because, generally, I don't.
I usually either just let whatever it is that's frustrating/bugging/annoying me sit, or I try to figure out why it's frustrating/bugging/annoying me because sometimes it's something about me that I see in them and that's why it's annoying.
But, I also don't usually bother because I don't see what positive outcome could come from it. Like, why should I sit down with person X and explain that something they did/said/didn't do upset me?
And does it matter the relationship with that person? If it's a friend? Co-worker? Family member? Random stranger? Acquaintance? Guy who hands you your morning coffee?
At what point it is worth saying "Hey, I have a problem with something and it's affecting our relationship." Because they probably don't know it's affecting the relationship. Coffee guy has no idea I don't like it when he mis-pronounces my name after I've corrected him thirty times. He has no idea I'm so annoyed by it I actually try to avoid his shift. (OMG I seriously just made that all up I completely don't even like coffee I am some kind of crazy liar!)
So if/when someone does something that upsets you in some way, is it worth talking to them about? If something they do lets you down, is that their issue or yours? If something they say hurts you, should you tell them that was mean, or just deal with your hurt?
If someone turns out to be different from who you thought they were, is there any point in telling them how you feel?
I'm really not sure, but I tend to think not.
I've done it a few times, with a co-worker, friend, parent, boyfriend, but I'm not sure it changed anything for the better. Some people don't, or can't change, but at least I can try to adjust.
I dunno.
It's just kind of been rambling through my brain of late.
I think maybe there's no one answer, and I think maybe it differs from person to person, and maybe even situation to situation.
But I do wonder.
4 comments:
Great question Victoria. Honestly, I think it depends on the relationship with the person. If it's a boyfriend/girlfriend, I think it's important to have open lines of communication. Not in a fighting type of way, but you need to be able to say "hey, what you're doing bothers me, and here's why..." If the other person can't respect that and have an adult/civil conversation about it, then perhaps bigger issues are at play. Of course, it's important to broach the subject in a non-confrontational manner.
A random co-worker / coffee guy... or even casual friend... it's probably not worth the drama. Life's to short to get confrontational.
-NotDucking
Fair points :)
Total Side Note- I had to laugh about your coffee story. I do the same as far as telling a story. Don't consider yourself a liar, consider yourself a great story teller, who knows how to weave real life examples-although maybe not her own- into stories. Just brings them a little more life lol.
Lol! I was writing it and then I was like THAT'S SO NOT TRUE OMG I'M A BAD PERSON! ;)
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