Nearly

It's been nearly a month since I got back from Burning Man, and although I'm back in the swing of work and whatnot, I feel like I'm still recovering somewhat.  A little.

Like, a couple of my toes are peeling.

This could be leftover from the playa dust and whatnot, or it could just be random... I don't know... toe skin issues that are completely unrelated?  But seeing as I've never had toe peeling issues before I'm guessing it's from Burning Man.

And I'm not entirely sure about what to do about it.

I also find myself still thinking about it.

Burning Man, that is, not the toes.

Like, wishing I could go back for the weekend, or wondering if I'll be able to go next year, or if I'll have people to go with next year more accurately.

Looking at pictures and posts and wishing I'd had more time.  Trying to figure out what I would change... no, will change next time I go.

I was chatting with Jay a couple of weeks ago when he quietly asked me if I missed it.  If I missed Burning Man.

I do.

It was a long time before this Summer that I last went on a significant holiday so that may be part of the missing.  But it's also that it's so... entertaining.  Like, you can't be bored.

Or maybe you can be bored, but you'd have to be working pretty hard at isolating yourself from... everything.

People say that nothing compares to your first time at Burning Man.  That you will never be as overwhelmed, as changed, as moved as you were your first time.  I'm not sure that applies to me, quite honestly.

I feel like I was just there to observe.  That my focus was on surviving and figuring it all out.  And that I will have a different experience the next time I go, and that I will engage in a different way.

Or maybe not.  Maybe I'll always feel just a little bit apart, a little bit insulated and not quite fitting in.

And there's also the concern that next time won't be as good.  That maybe I would be unwell next time, or the weather wouldn't be so gentle or I would have a hard time in some other way or hate my camp-mates or... something.  I know that I can't expect every Burning Man to be as great as this one was.

Unless maybe I can?

I don't know.

It was great to not go in to this Burning Man with any expectations, and now that I had a great time, I don't want to go into my next burn with having expectations of the same things happening, the same good time occurring.

But, really.  Tickets don't even go on sale for months and months.  I just have to live here and now until it's closer to the time to make decisions about next year.

I have to go back to breathing.

And just... being.

Because there really is only today, right?