You Too?

I am often having negotiations with myself inside my head.

Most often with regards to working out.

Especially on non-work days.

"Well, I don't have to work today but I'm up at a non-work time, so I should try working out in the morning, see what that's like!"

"Ok, but I could also sit and just relax and have a nice, easy morning."

"Alright.  So maybe before lunch then?"

... lunch time....

"Well, I've had a great morning.  Maybe I should just continue relaxing.  I could workout later."

... neighbour asks me to join her and her kids for a walk to the park.  I do.  I come home....

"Hmm... see, now, technically I've exercised.  I don't really have to do any more.  But it might feel good if I do."

"Or I might tweak my back more (current excuse.)"

"But I'd feel prouder of myself if I did."

"Yeah, but it's dark out now."  (As if that matters if I'm just going to throw on an exercise video.)

"But you have to work tomorrow and you might not have time to get in a workout at all so maybe just do it today because you have the extra time."

"Maybe I'll just watch another show and then see how I feel.  Seeing as I don't really have to do anything."

And then some days I get annoyed with myself for putting it off and I go ARGH FINE and I get up off the couch and go the damn exercise workout.  Or maybe I tell myself that if I do I can watch that last episode and I'll feel good about having worked out and... well, yeah, these are the moments when it helps if there's been some physical evidence of change.

Like if I can say "ooh, well you know that I'm down two pounds and that's because I'm working at it and so I should go work at it now too."

These aren't the only negotiations/debates I have with myself.  I try to get out of doing groceries.  Cleaning.  Washing my hair.  (Can I get through one more day? Sure, but I'll feel better and feel prettier if I wash it tonight.  Ugh.)  Right now I'm on a "OMG please make it end I want to murder someone" no treats/sweets/chocolate eating plan but usually there are "well, if I just have one now" sweets negotiations too.

Maybe these conversations are what will power is all about, I don't know.  I just know some days I drive myself crazy with it, and some days it's easier to just do the thing rather than to have to listen to the negotiations continue.