Finding Myself

One of the things I realized last week with all that was going on and I was working through was that I have to figure out how to be ok on my own.

I mean, I know this, but I'm applying it differently.

I guess I just sort of mean that I have to be ok on my own when I either don't have a boyfriend, or my boyfriend is busy.  Doesn't matter if I think he should be making time for me or if I'm upset that we haven't seen each other enough, I still need to be happy and enjoying life on my own.

Sounds stupidly simple maybe, but it's something I have to actively work at.  Doesn't mean I can't spend time with other people, just that I need to reach outside of the small bubble I sometimes accidentally put myself in.

My friends having kids is part of that bubble because often on my down time I don't want to have to interact with a young person, I'm not completely relaxed around them so it's a bit more effort than I'd like to make sometimes.  It's just different with kids.

But anyway, was just sitting here thinking of that and thought it was worth putting down on paper.

Because, yeah.  Especially when I'm in a panic-type crisis, I feel like I won't make it if I don't talk to someone.  And there's a balance between asking for help and reaching out for support from loved ones, that's a good thing.  But there's also times when I feel like I need to learn to not distract myself, but to feel what I'm feeling and get through it that way.  To not ignore/stuff/hide from/distract myself from the feelings, but to feel them and get through to the other side.

I feel like that's important right now.