Maybe sometimes I give certain people the benefit of the doubt too much.
Like, someone close to me said something that was hurtful. And I told them so. And they shrugged it off.... didn't apologize, or defend, it was just let go.
I mentioned what they'd said to someone else and they said it was very mean.
I mentioned it to someone else and they said it was a nasty thing to say.
So... am I being too forgiving? Too kind? Or am I seeing this person in a nicer light than they deserve?
Where they really trying to be mean and I just don't see it?
It matters because of who this person is to me and how often I leave their company feeling hurt and upset.
Do I see them in overly rose coloured spectacles?
5 comments:
Sounds like ou should spend less time with that person...
In my experience, it takes us a long time to figure out that we should spend less effort and emotional energy on the people who leave us feeling hurt and upset. For whatever reason, I find myself often constructing excuses and rationalizations that excuse the person and instead put the load on myself - I'm being too sensitive, they just didn't know where I'm coming from, they're going through their own stuff.
But eventually it does sink in that maybe, just maybe, it's them. Particularly if spending time with other people doesn't leave me feeling that way. In the most recent case, I just pretty much told the person that spending time with them was proving too hard and that, as much as I cared about them, I couldn't do it anymore.
Which turned out not to be entirely true, as I occasionally do hang out with them. But much less often than before, and with much less emotional investment.
A round-about way of saying, yes, you're wearing rose coloured glasses with this person, because that's what we do with people we want to like. But I have to wonder, if you were to be doing something else that left you feeling hurt and upset, would you keep doing it?
It seems so G's
Fair enough Jason...
If someone says something hurtful to me I first consider where it came from, what in their life might have caused them to say some unpleasant to me! I can then usually dismiss it as being a product of their own problems, insecurities ...
If you leave the company of this person feeling hurt & upset I would give them the push woman, life is SHORT.
Cdn Anne in England
Yeah... all true.
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