The Monday

I woke up Monday morning happy but slightly worried.

Monday was the day that Sarah was hoping to get to playa and I had no way of knowing where she was or when she might arrive.  So as much as I wanted to just stay and hang out and spend the day with Max, I felt like I had to head back to my campsite and wait for Sarah.

We'd arranged for each of us to have walkie talkies and that when she got onto playa "road", she'd see if hers would reach mine and this was about as good of an idea as we could come up with...what with not knowing about cell service and her not having a cell phone anyway.

So I walked home, giggling to myself that technically I was doing a "walk of shame"... heading home in the morning still wearing last night's clothes, and how funny was it that I've never actually done a walk of shame in my life, and here I was, at Burning Man where it so didn't matter, and no one cared.  Or would even notice!  I mean half of the people out and about were just making it home themselves, still in last night's clothes, no one needed to know that I'd been happily snuggling just a few hours before!

I woke Connor up and we went to eat.  I asked him when he thought Sarah might be getting there and he figured mid-afternoon at the earliest, so I figured I'd just stay in camp all day and turn on my walkie talkie after lunch.  I was worried and just wanted it to work out ok.  For her to have an easy drive and an easy entry and for her to find us and for us to figure out how to get her car into the "it's not really our space" space and all that stuff.

As we biked back from breakfast, I noticed that someone was using our shade shelter to put their stuff in and I was kind of annoyed.  I mean, I knew it wasn't exactly our space, but still, the stuff we'd set up was our space and why would someone put their bike and their guitar in our...wait a second.  Who was that person... unpacking their car...SARAH!!!!!!  It was Sarah's bike and Sarah's guitar because Sarah had somehow gotten in, found our space and started to unload our gear while Connor and I were off getting our food!  Amazing! I was SO HAPPY!  So happy she'd made it and that I didn't have to worry.  How easy was that?

I gave her the hugest hug and we helped her get set up and organize.  She was here!  She'd made it!  She was safe!  And here!!!!

Awesome.

Once she was settled, I went with her out to playa.  We stopped for a bit at Max's camp so I could see him and introduce them and I asked him when I'd see him.  "Later," he said, after giving me a huge hug and kiss and asking me why I'd ever left in the first place.  I told him I'd had to make sure Sarah got in ok....but that in the end, she hadn't needed me at all, which was awesome.  So Max went to do whatever he was going to do and Sarah and I headed out to playa.

We went out towards the Man, to the Temple and to the last of Marco Cochrane's "lady" sculptures and then Sarah was hot and tired (she'd been up for several days in a row and driving for almost an entire day) and we headed back.

The three of us (Connor, Sarah and I) just chilled out in camp all day and then headed for dinner.

I felt sad.

I didn't know where Max was or what I should do about seeing him.  "Later" he'd said... was I supposed to just guess what that meant?  I should have asked what he meant by that, or for specifics but at the time I was just so happy to see him I didn't want to ask and seem... needy or something.  But I also didn't want to go knocking on his door, or randomly into his camp asking for him, I didn't want to seem like some random chick looking for her crush so I just... didn't.

I think I may have driven by his camp or maybe even through it, but he wasn't in his camper and I didn't know what to do.

I mean, even if one of his campmates had known where he was or where he was maybe, it doesn't mean I could have found him...and it didn't seem like he was looking for me.  Had I been wrong in how I thought we felt about each other?  Was I more of a fun distraction to him?  Was he going to be off all week doing his stuff with his friends?  Was this all going to be a hurtful disappointment to me somehow?  Would we not actually see each other again all week?

So, yeah... I got into my head.  Clearly.

But I was disappointed.  I wanted to be with Max and I didn't know where he was and I didn't know what to do about that and I felt shy about trying to go into his camp to "find" him or whatever.

Sarah was exhausted so she crashed pretty early after dinner and I went out riding on my own.

I kept seeing the art installation Max was working on and I kept avoiding it.

But I swear it kept showing up on playa and I felt utterly immature and like I was pouting every time I'd see it.  Huh... I'll show him.  I'll... bike away in the OTHER DIRECTION from his stupid camp thing.  That'll show him.

Because yeah... as if he was a) even there and b) looking out for my specific bike lights.  Good job teenaged-brain.

But still... I was... bummed.

Went home and organized my stuff.  Which... I hadn't actually done that carefully Sunday, so it was necessary to do but then I went to bed.  Pretty unhappy.

But hey... Max knew where I camped... maybe he'd come find me?

And with that thought I did not sleep much at all.

Every noise I heard my brain interpreted as Max coming to see if I was in my tent. Or maybe...was that Max actually unzipping my tent?  Or...(half asleep) what if that was someone else coming in my tent?  Or Max?  Would he?  I kept waking up totally afraid that someone was coming in my tent but then hoping it was Max and then feeling dumb that I thought it might be him.

I must have fallen asleep at some point but I wasn't a happy camper.

(Yes, I threw that pun in there... you're welcome!)





And that's pretty much where I run out of journal entries from the week.  I have a couple from the end of the week but even they are rather sketchy notes.  The rest is going to be pieces that I put together from my memory as best I can.