Happy Sigh

I just gave myself an entire day off!!!

It's 3pm and I'm still in my fuzzy pjs, cozy on my couch.

I didn't go see anyone, I haven't had to drive anywhere, I've just been relaxing and it's been perfect.

I hope you all are doing well and are surviving the seasonal... stuff.  And that you have a bit of down time too, before the New Year blitz hits.

Speaking of... I hope 2018 is a beautiful year for us all... full of love, health, and positive growth.

You all are wonderful (yes, even you that has never commented, I know you're wonderful too!) and I appreciate you in my life.

Here's to the holidays and the coming new year.

Back to blanket time for me.  Big hugs.

Not An Ad

So my friend's house has this kind of a funky smell to it.  It's not bad, exactly, just... musty maybe?  But anyway, I'm not good with smells or scents, so I always air out my stuff when I've hung out over there, it's kind of a bummer.

I mentioned it to Jason and he suggested I use a spray that I won't name but that I've always thought was just a big joke.  Rhymes with... Schmureeze?  Has the ad where the person sprays it on their stinky couch/shoes/gym bag and suddenly everything's BETTER!!!!

Well, I can't handle scented products and the idea of spraying a scent over another scent just seems like a bad idea to me.  So I told Jason as much and he said the product actually comes in unscented.  Hmm.....

So I bought some. 

And I don't want to think about how it works but this unscented stuff makes the funky smell go away and, well, that's it!  It's super cool!  I really am pleasantly surprised and like I said, have no desire to mess up my mind trying to figure out how/why it works.

Go figure, eh?

Yikes

Ugh.  I feel badly... seems like many people I know are limping towards the holidays this week.

Yes, I know not everyone celebrates and all, but the majority of people in my life do celebrate Christmas and most have children themselves, or in their extended family and that seems to add an extra layer of... what... stress? 

I don't know.  I just know that it seems like people were doing not badly with things and this week seems to have hit harder... I suppose as the timeline grows shorter.  So I hope you're doing ok with whatever this, or next week brings you and I hope that you're managing your days well and finding calm.

Happy Solstice, by the way.  Be that the shortest or longest day of the year, depending on where you're reading from. Around here, that means we're starting to edge back towards days that are brighter, longer and that makes me happy.  It also means Winter is here... and not in a Game of Thrones kind of way, although.... who knows what kind of weather we'll get, right?

Hope all is well your way.  Hugs.

Wink, Wink

I was just filling out a comment and hitting the check box that assures Blogger that I'm not a robot and I had a funny thought.

I wonder how many robots check off that box with a little giggle/smile/wink like when humans check the "I have read the terms an agreements" or when kids check off the "I am over certain age" box!

Just think about all the robots clicking "I am not a robot" and laughing.  "Heh, that'll show them!"

So, Um...

So hey!  It turns out my phone now automatically connects via bluetooth to my car!  YAY!

Ask me how I found out!

Well, you see, I had loaned Jason my car and was walking home just as he was bringing the car back to me.  Meanwhile, I was in the middle of a (typically only hilarious to us) conversation with C-Dawg on my phone as I walked home from the store.

So when Jason saw me and pulled over to drive me the rest of the way home... well... it turns out whatever ridiculous conversation C-Dawg was responding to was suddenly no longer in my ear and Jason got to hear the nonsense!

D'oh!

So I mean, it's kind of a good thing (especially when you add in a feature from a while ago that means when my phone is connected to the car's bluetooth, it's on like a "sleep" mode that means texts and alerts don't come through which should help distracted driving I hope!) but also.... unexpected.  I guess that's why one is supposed to read the blurb that comes along with "system upgrade" eh?

Dreamy Sigh

Had a (MUCH needed) stay-cation weekend that included a tiny bit of exercise (a swim sans injury yay!) and food I enjoyed but didn't have to cook (BONUS!) and a lazy Saturday like no other (why hello Breaking Bad, yes I will watch you again thank you) and I feel so happily rested.

(Not sure why I now have to be awake and functional and dressed in normal clothes and making my own food though.  What's that about?)

The Joys Of Fitness

Just in case you were wondering...
a rotator cuff is not something you want to annoy.  Not if you enjoy using your arm.

Nor is an IT band something you want to piss off. 

And knees don't like tight whatchamacallit muscles.

Climbing awkwardly out of a pool because you don't have a swim cap and don't want to deal with wet long hair will result in a mass of bruises along at least one of your legs, and if you have low blood pressure (thanks Dad!) you may get super dizzy just from standing up!

Turns out wrists can get locked out of place or something something someone snapped it back in.  Plus IMS hurts like the dickens.  

YAY!

What fun it all is trying to be healthier and fitter! 

Walking wounded here y'all.

Um...

I might maybe have bought a ukulele?

But probably not, because that would be silly.

Um...

Ugh

I know it's only Wednesday, but I already feel like this has been a long week, and a not good long week and that it should really be Friday today.

Am just so.... not.

Ugh.

Plus, the sun starts to set at 3:30 these days and it makes me want to scream (and/or cry?) and it still genuinely confuses me.

Le sigh.

Oh, and Happy Hanukkah to my friends who celebrate it.  (Or even if you don't but want the good wishes!)

Cold, But Bright and Sunny!

I think most of us in town here would say we'd be ok with handling a Winter if it was like these last few days have been.

It's been cold (but not horrifically so) but super sunny (and therefore bright!)

It's been lovely (even if the sun starts to set at half past frigging three! ERMAGHERD!!)

So yeah, I vote for cold but bright days please and thank you!



Edit:  Now I'm singing "may your days be Sunny and BRIIIIGHT, and may all your Christmases be white!"

Potential Situation

Here.  Here's some pretty flowery things to look at with some bonus bokeh.  Yay, pretty, oooh!!!






Ok, now that the regular folk are distracted, I can be honest.  Guys?  We may have a situation on our hands here.

It's Sunday morning as I write this.  I had dinner at Jason's place last night.  I bought, he cooked.  I bought pretzels.  (Yes, again.  STOP!)  I ate some.  Jason didn't.  (Boo, Jason, BOO!)  When I came home, I left the preztels there.  On purpose.  On very much purpose.

Now it's now.  And I'm home.  By myself.  On a gorgeously, sunny Sunday.  But I'm all alone.  Completely.  As in.... there are no pretzels here.

Jason's not home.  I don't know if his roommates are.  I want to drive over there and break into the house and take back the pretzels and sit here on my couch crunching away at their gluteny, gluteny goodness omg y'all!

So, yeah, I might end up in some kind of hostage situation because I'm fighting with myself.  (I dunno, my stomach?  Tastebuds???)  And I might have to tackle that part to the ground.

Or... uh.. distract it with.  (Looks around apartment)  Uh... crackers?

Sigh.

*whispers like Gollum*  my pretzels..... my pretzels.....

Oh, Y'all?

Oh... you guys... I...  I ate an entire bag of pretzels.

*hangs head*

Not in one day, over a week or so but.... they were not.... gluten free. 

Sigh.

And no.  My body let me know from the start it did not like.

Sigh.

But you guys, really?  I love gluten so so much.

I love gluten so much I would marry it.  And have its babies.  And raise those babies to be fine, upstanding members of gluten society.  I love gluten that much.

Sigh.

But yeah.  I have to confess my frigging sins.

I ate an entire bag of pretzels.  That I bought.  Knowingly.

Blargh.

Hairy Wood's Best!

What little superstitious type thing do you do that you're willing to admit to?

Me?  When I say "Knock on wood" I always follow it with "Hairy wood's best" and I knock both on whatever wood's around and then my head!

And yeah, I kind of think it brings me a little bit of luck. *smile wink emoticon*

Um. Ouch?

So I've talked a little bit (both then and now) about how my life sort of fell apart two or so years ago.

Saying it "fell apart" is a bit of an exaggeration because I still have all my friends, my loved ones, my car, apartment, job, and so on.  So no, my life didn't really fall apart but I think I'm at a place where it's honest of me to say that I did.

Some... perhaps many of you saw it coming for a long while.  I remember a commenter a few years back suggesting it sounded like I was depressed.  And I was mad at that.  Because I've been depressed.  Many years ago.  I was treated for it.  It was awful.  The treatment, that is.  So awful I said never again. 

But when you say "never again" and then don't work SUPER F*CKING HARD at changing how you ARE... it sneaks back in.  And while depression is a familar one for most of us.. and a sister to sadness or hurt or seasonal affective or whatever... anxiety?  That's a whole other ball game and one that was new to me when it slammed into me at 100 mph September 2015.

I can mark the start of my extreme anxiety back to that month, because I came back from the bliss of Burning Man that summer... very much in love with Max.  (Not 'madly' in love with him, mind you, just calmly, completely, happily in love.) And I went back into work the next week and bam.  My "life" as I knew it fell apart.  And nothing has been the same since.

I thought about it the other day and if I look at the two years since everything changed, I feel like my first year was just me sitting there half stunned going "how/why?"  I felt like that frog in the boiling water story.  You know... how if you put a frog in a pot of water and then turn the heat on it will not jump out because it doesn't know how hot the water is getting because it's so gradual?  (But if you tried to plop it straight into a pot of boiling water it'd just jump right out.)  That.  So my first year since "running into the brick wall of anxiety" was me going... woah.  Wow.  W.T.F?  I must be that frog, dude.

The other day I came up with the analogy of how I feel now. 

You know how sometimes when you hurt yourself you have the moment of the cut/bump where you don't feel anything and then you look at the cut/bruise and all of a sudden (seemingly out of nowhere) IT EFFING HURTS!!!!  You know that?  I feel like now I'm at a point of realizing just how much this "cut" actually hurts and how badly I am "bleeding."  You know?  So it's like I'm now re-stunned by how I feel and have felt.  Which is why I've sort of been only managing to post "I'm not really much more than ok."

Because yeah, on paper?  I'm fine, y'all!  Job, apartment, car, friends, etc. etc.  I am SUPREMELY lucky, I really am.  Well... lucky and hard working, because not a whole lot of this just fell into my lap... I worked for it and earned it, I really did.  But still.  I am aware and grateful that in the grand scheme of things I live a very blessed life.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  So on paper, I'm good.

But inside?  Nah.  Not... not so much.

So I'm sitting here staring at this metaphorical cut realizing it hurts a whole effing lot and I should probably get me some stitches or something and uh... that's a lot of blood pooling on the floor.  Whoops!

Oh

Just sitting here, watching a hawk on a tree. 

Why, what are you up to?

Comes Running Back In, Papers Flying Everywhere, All Disheveled

Hi!  Woah!  Sorry!!!  Did I not blog at all past Tuesday of last week?  I had no idea, my bad!!! Hi... hey. 

*catches breath*

So.... December, eh?  How's... uh, that going for you? 

Hey, here's a guy on a segway for you!  (Hopes they don't notice the mess/lack of posts ... again)

*backs away slowly while they're distracted to try to put things back into order*