Keeping On

Some days I want to sit down and write a post that says I AM A F*CKING MESS!!!  And detail all the shit that I'm going through.  Then the next day I think, oh dear, don't write that, you can't take things back once you've said them you know?

But ugh.  I'm seriously feeling like such a bleeping mess, I really am.

Oh Dear...

Well, I've had my first "too hot" of the season.   Uh... out of nowhere.  Yep. 

I mean, sure, it's Spring... but... no.  It's not been.

Jason likes to say "we don't get shoulder seasons anymore" and I'm suddenly realizing I know what he means. 

Sort of.

As in, we haven't had much Spring like weather so far this year.  We've had a few nice, sunny days, but it's been a bit chilly.  Not... cold, but not Spring-like either.  And I just kept saying "well, it's still early Spring", right?

Kind of?  But not.... really?

So then when we had a couple of nice days here this week, I was sort of suspicious.  Because the sunny days we have had haven't been warm warm.  They've been "I'll bring a hoodie, and probably not need it" followed by a "oh, I guess I need a jacket, damn" kind of days.  So two days ago it was a sunny day, and apparently warm.  Jason and I went and had some food and a drink on a patio, but in the shade.

We then spent an hour or so in his backyard, but I wore a hat, drank water, and stayed in the shade most of the time.

And I somehow got heat sick that night.

Like, actual sun stroke kind of sick... from it just being... warm?  I have no idea.  But then yesterday it was 24... more than double what it's been the last while.  Out of nowhere.

I did better, dressed for it, etc etc but what on earth y'all?

I got heat sick I think, honestly, because my body was so shocked by the sudden change from cold-ish to kind of hot. 

So yeah, I didn't get a sunburn, which I've done at this time of year before, but I still got unwell from the heat/sun.  Le sigh. 

And it's apparently going back to rain and "chilly" tomorrow... (today?) so who knows.  It may be back to boots and blankets again.  But for today at least, I got my sandals on and turned my heater off...

No idea how this Spring/Summer's going to go, that's for sure.

Shock

In the dream I just had, my Mom had died.  As in, she didn't die in the dream, but had already died... but recently.

The dream was my Dad and I spreading her ashes.  Which we did by going to the beach and laying them in a little sailboat and sending that sailboat out to see.  We knew she'd love that, having loved sailing so much.

The boat capsized fairly quickly, and I was frustrated that I'd put two of my towels on it, because now I didn't have a towel, and really, we should have thought that through.  I stood watching the now upside down boat, thinking "well, her ashes are spread" and an older gentleman came by and exclaimed at the still salvageable boat.

I explained we were spreading my mother's ashes but that that was kind of done now so he was welcome to swim out and rescue and keep the boat if he wanted, but he chose not to and walked away.

I realized then, that I hadn't really told anyone in real life about my mother dying.  Not even C-Dawg.  And so I realized that as I was waking up, I was going to have to make some calls and that I just so so missed my Mom.  And I lay there, half asleep, calling out for my mother, and crying for her having died.

It was a slow wakeup and rather unsettling to realize that no, she hadn't died.  Wasn't dead.  Was still fully alive.  I'm still pretty shaken; the feeling of having to let people know and accept she was gone was so very real.

It doesn't help things that my parents left on a small cruise yesterday (but does somewhat explain the boat/loss I suppose... although my parents did love sailing back in the day) so I can't even go get a hug today.  It also doesn't help to know that feeling will most likely be true one day.  But... I won't think of that now.  Now, I just want to shake off the dream and have a day.

Still No

Still just exhausted and feeling at the end of my rope.  Which, don't feel the need to comment nice things... that's not necessary.

I'm tired.  I'm drained.  I also didn't want to leave the page/blog blank, so here we are.

Hopefully a good night's sleep and all that jazz and it's still not Friday is it?

Sigh.

Hot Dang

Sorry, was busy all yesterday fighting the little ant guys who seem to have noticed I turned my back for a second.

THIS IS NOT THE DROID YOU'RE LOOKING FOR!  (or whatever you scream at ants)

Bugger off.

Is It Friday Yet?

Well, I had a good weekend (thank you sunshine!) but I overextended myself a little.  Not in a bad way just.. I'm tired.

Jason asked me to come on a photoshoot with some friends of his that were visiting (and so that's always tiring for an introvert) but they were a really nice couple so they asked if we wanted to go to a show with them that evening, so we did, (which, again, is tiring for an introvert)  The show wasn't my style, but I stuck it out, drinking my water, and crowdwatching, and then I headed home, all wound up (as it goes for at least this introvert) and so Sunday was a low, slow day and now I need a weekend.

So, anyone willing to make this not be Monday?

Well That Didn't Help!

A while back, Mazda informed me that there was some sort of safety recall on my vroom vroom.

It had to do with the... uh... seat fasteners?  Like, the part that fastens the seats to the bottom of the car?  I dunno... but I dutifully took it in and had them fix the whatever.  Done.

Except now I can't see.

Ok, that's a little bit of an exaggeration, but the "fix" they put in raised my seat just enough that I have a really quite severely reduced field of vision... or whatever the term is.

Now, the side.. uh... thing, where the windows meet?  (There's an airbag in there apparently) blocks things ALL the time, and more importantly, my rear view mirror blocks cars at certain angles.  As in, there's a four way stop near Jason's place and the street to my right is at a slight angle/incline and I missed seeing cars there a few times before I realized... damn... my car is now blocking my view of a lot of things. 

I also noticed that if I lean towards the side, I almost hit my head on the roof, so either I grew a good few inches (I wish!) or this "fix" of theirs changed the height of my seat a fair bit... and also reduced my visibility.

It's something I clearly have to get used to (no, there's no way to lower my seat) and be more aware of but it's also pretty frustrating and more than a little disappointing.  But hopefully the whatever they fixed is all better now.

Sigh.

Gal Dangit!

I have this... shoulder thing going on.  My kinesiologist type trainer person says I shouldn't call it an "injury" but I have no idea what else to call it.  My shoulder's been messed for months now... probably six. 

I don't remember a specific thing happening... as in, I didn't lift a car off of a child and then go OW, that hurt my shoulder!  I do remember some pings during training (screw you pushups) sessions and then noticing a restriction of motion and then being unable to lie, read or sleep on that side and so on. So.. yeah, I have this shoulder... thing.

I started having people work on it a few months in since it wasn't just going away and so now it's not worse.... but it's still not good and no one has been able to put a clear diagnosis on it.

I mention it, because this morning, one of the most frustrating things about it happened.  And that is, me, in bed, rolling over for a "few more minutes" and something about the movement messes up the shoulder and so I'm in immense pain, from doing nothing.  Like, really?  I rolled over to keep being asleep... what?

So yeah, bizarre, unasked for, seemingly unearned shoulder stuff sucks.  Especially when all I did was try to sleep for five more minutes.

Come on body, we're in this together!

Sprall

Yeah so.... Spring?  Not really.  Not lately.

I turned my radiator off and then turned it on again when I got home and it was freezing in my place.

Was out walking and thought "this is like Fall out here"  Sigh.

I mention this because there's been some really weird weather in the world (or at least North America) this week.  Snow.  Floods.  And yet there are still many who are not concerned over global weather changes.  Sigh.

We certainly have Spring like blossoms and such and the sunny days are gorgeous, but there are also long weeks of rain and the warmth has not really appeared. 

So, I made up a name in my title.. Spring/Fall.. Sprall.

Not trying to rush anything, just saying, it's not yet as Spring like as most of us would like.

Writ

Jason, from time to time, mentions that he has someone he'd like to show my writing to.  As in "you're a good writer, they're looking for a writer, can I show them your blog?"

And every time I'm like NOoOooOOO!! 

It's my private blog, I say every time.  Private, as in, I don't want people knowing it was me, etc. etc.  (We know the drill...)

But that does mean that there really isn't anywhere where someone could see my writing.  Which got me thinking (vaguely, hypothetically) about how I might parcel out this blog, or bits of this blog while still taking along the few of you I adore and appreciate, while still babbling here, but, huh?

So it doesn't get much farther than sort of semi vague thinking but yeah, I have no space, I realize, that I can point someone to to say "that"... "that there is some of my writing"

I mean, Jason's maybe just talking out of his butt, I don't know, but still... ten plus years worth of writing and I don't want to show it to anyone... funny, eh?

In Tears

I found this on reddit, I think and it had me in mega tears for quite a long while, so I'm doing a weird thing and sharing a social media share from social media on my social media? (I think it might format oddly, so apologies for that.

Blah

I've probably mentioned it before, but over the years, the best (and easiest?) way I've found of writing for this space is to sit down, usually on a Sunday (like I'm doing now) and write the posts for the week.  I used to do it religiously.  I've been less able to of late, for a number of reasons, but the main one being "blah."

As in... I sit down and all I think is "blah."  I feel it, I think it, I have nothing but blah to write about.

Which, isn't true, but just seems to be the timing of later in the day Sundays of late.  Blah.

This morning, I had things to talk about!  Now, not so much inspiration flowing....

I could tell you about the kinesiology tape (good lord I had to look that word up three times and blogger still tells me it's not a word!) I have on my shoulder/shoulder blade and how I'm really thinking (and hopeful!) that it's helping..... stuff! 

Or I could tell you about how I vacuumed today and cleaned the sink and made a new painting that's giving me a headache as it dries (how people work with oil I have no idea, I have a hard enough time with acrylic!)

I could talk about the ongoing battle with the mini ants in my place this Spring, but I don't want to jinx anything, or about the tv show I'm catching up on which is good but binge watching it makes me want to yell at the characters for constantly being so careless!

But, instead, I'm just going to tell you that I'm blah right now and that may mean not very much posting this week, but who knows... maybe I'll get a fresh wind (that's not the saying.. it's "second wind") and inspiration and all that good stuff.

I suppose we shall all just have to wait and see.... (cue suspenseful music, I dunno?)

Let Them Go!

So my parents got stranded in Vancouver because they flew over (harbour to harbour) and there was too much wind for them to come back when they were scheduled to!

Sure, they could have taken the ferry but they chose to hang out another day and hope for the best the next day.

Sometimes it's really funny living on an Island, when you actually realize... hey, I'm living on an Island!

PS This Photo Is Old. No Idea If The Cost Has Changed!

Let's see... what else happened on my camping adventure?

Well, Jason is super good at camp cooking.  I'm used to hot dogs and... uh.. hot dogs?  With the occasional bacon for breakfast?  But he managed steak and chicken and potato... I don't even know what and I kept thinking there's NO way that meal will work but it all just did!  I probably ate better camping than I do many nights at home, who knew?  (But yeah, we still managed hot dogs and bacon at my request!)

I also learned that I need to pack Robaxacet (back relaxing pills, you may have some of a different name at home, stronger than Advil/Tylenol) because my first night trying to sleep, what with the frigging cold and the stress of the drive (I figure) my upper body seized up and I had a terrible sleep with the pain of it.  I (maybe whined) mentioned it to Jason the second night and he fished me out a Robaxacet and holy smokes that helped.  I actually slept that night!  Oh, he also traded sleeping bags with me (if I didn't mention that before) because his is WAY better (actually rated for cold) than mine and he was having no issues with the temperature.  Thanks bud!  So yeah, back pain meds need to come next time, just in case.

I also need to pack less of certain things (I always say that) and I need better gear (and the money to buy it, hello!) and I need to figure out what space saving things I can come up with if we're camping using my car again (vs going down to Nevada in Connor's truck which has WAAAAAY more room... just saying!)

I also learned that camping by the ocean means noise.  And I don't mean the "gentle loving waves" kind of noise they play in a spa, I mean "was that an earthquake?" CRASHING waves of late Winter noise.  So noisy were the waves that Jason, who sleeps through anything didn't sleep much the first night and maybe even wish he'd had earplugs like a certain someone, ahem!

So yeah, while I've camped by rivers and lakes before, camping at a beach was colder and way way noisier than I'd realized.  The wave noise was incredible (and I'm trying to think how far away from the beach the last "beach" campsite I was at must have been... must have been a fair walk) and never ending.  It would sometimes fade into the wind in the trees and then I'd look up and realize no, there is no wind in the trees, that's just more surf noise!

The beach itself was beautiful and moody in a very damp, cloudy, foggy, west coast kind of way and I noticed that by the end of the week we were the only tent in the entire site... it's maybe more of a solid structure kind of camp situation! 

Oh, and firewood.  I forgot just how much firewood you need when you're not hot weather/Summer camping.  As in... a lot.  Which we had to gather (from the beach, I felt so guilty!) and buy from "town" (a short drive away)  Which was odd to me... to drive away from camp.  I'm so used to just being there and not moving at all for the time.  But having the fire was lovely.  It's one of the reasons I haven't rushed to camp around here these last few years... fire ban season is long, and that's one of the things I love the most.  I mean, what else are you going to sit and stare at and poke with a stick if you have no fire?

We Have Learned From Our Mistakes

Jason has since admitted and apologized for not being as careful as he might have been with the tarps when setting up our campsite the other week.  I mention this because, well a lot of rain... plus... we kind of ended up with a lake in our tent our last morning.  Sigh.

So Jason knows he goofed on the tarps (but hey, it happens to the best of us, so no harm, no foul) but I have to kind of smack us both for missing a kind of obvious hint the tent tried to give us the day before!

I took my lantern into the tent at night so we could see (duh!) and on the second (or so?) morning, when I went to take it back outside, I noticed it left a puddle. 

Well, that was weird!

I looked at the lantern, hoped the battery pack was well sealed, and wondered just what kind of poor construction the company had made to have that much rain water collect and pool like that.  Blah. 

I noticed more water later and was kind of annoyed that the lantern kept dripping water.  I even mentioned it to Jason, and that yeah, I was surprised at this and that I might just write a letter to the makers.  Camping gear should be able to function in the rain without collecting this much water, duh.

It wasn't until the torrential rain and waking up on the last morning to a substantial amount of rain in the tent (come up through the base, not down from the top) that we put two and two together.  Jason's oops with the tent/tarp had funneled a lot more water than necessary under the tent.. which... the heavy, compact lantern had been the first to actually show us "hey guys?  water's coming up"  The lantern wasn't LEAKING water (yay!) it was making contact in a significant enough way between the "river runs through us" under our tent, over our tarp to pull up through the base.  Whoops!  Thing #2 we should have paid more attention to... the lantern wasn't leaking.. the tent kind of was!

When we went to bed the last night in the holy crap so much rain rain, we both kind of talked about how we'd not bothered to dig a trench (damn) and Jason now admits he realized about the tarp but didn't want to upset me at the time (fair enough) so we did the best we could, and his camp bag is more waterproof than mine, so we put mine on top of his as a precaution.

And good thing we did.  Cuz anything that touched the floor that night got soaked.  Damn.

My jeans, for example, that I'd laid out to dry, slipped off of my bag and onto the floor and were as if they'd just come out of a washing machine.  Same for the blanket that I forgot to pull up. 

Oh, and I'm thankful that Jason didn't tell me he figured we'd be wet come morning, because I was wigged out enough that my sleeping bag had gotten wet and so I was sleeping in now wet pjs, with a layer of other clothing underneath to get me dry enough to sleep.  (It was just one spot but a damp spot when you're camping is not at all fun.)

We mad rushed to pack up in the slightly less torrential rain in the morning and we both wish we'd been filming when we dumped the lake out of the tent!  Thank GOODNESS for his waterproof mattress pads and the waterproof bag he had.  Because yeah.. that's the most water I've ever had in a tent... ever.  Had it not been our last day it would probably have become our last day.

Packing sucked, as you can imagine.  We were both stressed and soaked and I swear a car never packs as neatly on the way home and we didn't have the dry time to put X into Y to maximize space and everything was soaked... well, tent, tarps, and anything we'd not put away in the car for the night was anyway.  Plus jeans and blankets that got "tent-lake-erized" and all.

But knowing we weren't more than a few hours away from home helped and we both have some things to "fix" if we go West Coast camping again, that's for sure!

For me?  Better rain gear (jacket and duffel bag actually water proof!), and a sleeping bag rated for much colder.  Those are my top priorities (unless I camp with someone other than Jason next time in which case I need a whole bunch of other things!!!) 

So, yes.  We were somewhat rained out, but not terribly so.  And, to be honest, not all that unexpectedly either.  And now I can say I slept on a river/lake in my tent.

The Old Man Is Snoring

Now, I'm aware I live on the West Coast of Canada.  I'm aware I live in the Pacific North We(s)t.  I'm aware I live in a tropical rainforest.....area.  I'm aware it is only (at best) very early Spring.  I *know* all these things.  And yet, I was still surprised by the rain Jason and I had camping.

I think it's in part because we spent a good amount of time checking forecasts (I know, they're only educated "guesses") and actually decided on an entirely different trip based on said forecasts, so we weren't really expecting much rain (if any) until the last afternoon of our trip.  (By when, in theory, we'd be packed up and ready to go.)

First day was clear, which meant it was cold.  As in.. you can see your breath cold.  Which, again, it was end of March, so....  not Spring/Summer weather, but I was still a little surprised by the amount of chill.  We had the fire going all day, and layers on, so we did ok for cold, until it got to night and bedtime.  We let the fire burn down and then all of a sudden I was freezing.  Like, really effing cold.  You could ask Jason, I went from ok in front of a low fire, to "I have to get into the tent and sleeping bag RIGHT NOW" shivering and teeth chattering cold.

So yeah, first night was cold.  And yeah, my sleeping bag is so not rated for cold.  I remember thinking that during Burning Man 2015, but not bothering to do anything about it, because, well, it's not really a priority.  My bed, after all, is warm, and Burning Man is only once a year.  (I haven't been camping outside of my trip down there for ages I realized!)

Next day was overcast, so a bit warmer, but basically dry, until we were in the tent... at which point it started to rain.  We kind of laughed at our excellent timing and trusted the rain fly and gear and went to sleep.

We woke up to rain.  And it rained or drizzled all of our third day.  Like, non stop precipitation.  (Not in the forecast, just saying!)  We did fine keeping the fire going, but that was when I was reminded that my rain jacket is... not water proof.  And that it was really not doing much of a job of being even water resistant.  Sigh.  So, yeah, I got kind of miserable.  I was damp.  Not soaked, but damp.  And therefore not warm.

And there was the frustration of trying to dry off by the fire, without getting overly hot in one spot (ie it was easy to dry off my still pretty waterproof pant later, but not my top)  So I found myself doing a lot of contorting trying to dry off an arm or my back or my hood (during the lighter rain) while watching the rest of me get super soaked.  Sigh.  Jason suggested I head into the tent and this felt like giving up, but at a certain point I didn't care anymore.  I didn't want to be this wet and grumpy on this trip, so I headed in and stripped off my wet gear.  Learned then that pretty much all of my layers were damp (ie not super wet, but not at all dry) and that missing that top layer of water proofing had really not set me up for feeling good or warm.

Jason then took my gear, put it in the car and turned the heat on full.  I had never heard of this before, and it TOTALLY felt like cheating to me, but I lay in my sleeping bag and warmed up and a while later, putting on dry gear felt like heaven.  So, first thing's first.. I need better waterproof gear if I'm camping out this way again.

We made it through til evening, with a drive into town to fill up on firewood and to find some comfort (I tried Fireball for the first time, it helps!) and then took ourselves to bed when the night brought even more rain.

There's so much more detail to the "it rained" story, but Jason says I "did really well" and shouldn't be hard on myself right now, so I'll leave it at "it rained and I got wet and frustrated."  (And miserable)

So yeah, we got rain... camping in late Winter, on the West Coast.  Who knew?  (winky emoticon here)

You'll Have To Excuse Me

I'm not at my best.

(You can sing the rest if you want)

Have some stuff going on and sleep has overtaken my ability to make words that make sense... and in order and stuff, so hi... how are you?

Holy Smokes

I pause in my (just started) babbling about my camping trip (adventure) to complain (heartily) about the SUPER FRUSTRATING time I had dealing with multiple websites yesterday.

There were a number of things I had to deal with, from downloading this thing to signing up with this new system and so on and so forth and NONE OF THEM WORKED!!!

All of the instructions said just do this and this and when I did, they didn't work and I got error messages.  So... I cleared caches, changed browsers, restarted systems, the whole nine yards... NOPE!  Rinse and repeat.  ARGH!

So then I took screen shots, emailed various "contact us here" emails and ate the last creme egg I have.

So, really.... pretty much the stupidest day ever.

Screw you non-functioning websites and stuff!  You stole my last creme egg from me!

Well...?

I can now officially say my ukulele has been played infront of a campfire.  Ta da!

I wasn't sure I wanted to bring it on the camping trip, mainly to save space, but also because I don't really have any songs memorized, but Jason insisted, so on our first evening, I brought it out.

And lasted about five minutes because BRRR! 

Yeah, first day was freezing.  Well, not literally freezing, but you could see your breath all day, even in front of the fire.  So I played it for a bit, and put it away, but yes, it has had that initiation!

It rained the rest of the time so it didn't come out again and I'm not sure I have a passionate need for it to come on another trip, but yeah, if there is a bingo card for, uh.. stereotypical west coast things to do?  I totally just filled out a square.

WwwwwooooooOOOOOOoOOooOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The place that Jason and I went camping is a coastal town and the first afternoon we were there Jason said "heh, I had a dream last night there was a tsunami while we were here" and when I didn't find this as funny as he did, he said "hey, not that it's going to happen, but if it does, we get in the car and head inland."  And I grumbled to myself but yeah, sure.. inland.  Yep.

Fast forward to later that evening and all of a sudden we here a sound that I tried to imitate in the title of this post.  A long, piercing wail.

No, not whale, wail.  I freeze.  Turn to Jason.  "Uh... is that... a tsunami siren????"

Fuck.

I walked out towards the beach side of the campground, to get a clear view of any other campsites to see if anyone else was .... you know, doing anything, and no.  No one was so I turned back to Jason.  "OK.  NOW WHAT?!"

He paused for a moment... "Well, it is the end of the month... could be they're just testing their siren?"

Um, yeah, ok, cuz, that's reassuring, never having heard one in my life before!

But sure enough, it didn't keep going so I went back to collecting firewood.

When... about fifteen minutes later.... "WOOOOOOOOoooOOOOooooOOOOOOO!"

Oh fuck.

I ran back to where Jason was sitting making dinner.  "OK NOW WHAT DO WE DO? BECAUSE THERE IT IS AGAIN!"

He paused,  "is anyone else running or anything?"  Me:  "NO BUT WHAT DO WE DO?"

"Well, I think they just have a few different versions of the warning siren that they test, so... it's probably nothing."

So I guess, since I'm here typing to you it was just a test of the tsunami warning siren but still.  STILL!  It totally got my adrenaline pumping.  And no, I've not heard one of those before.

I did also look around to find which ever tree seemed the easiest to climb, you know, in case the water went suddenly rushing out or whatever, but yeah... damn.

So, I now know that hearing a tsunami warning siren will cause me to freak the heck out and that I really should remember I live in an earthquake zone and possibly a tsunami zone.

Sigh.

Oh Hai

Me, last night, after a full day of family... oh... right... I didn't write any blog posts this weekend and now I just want to go to sleep...

So, hi.  Hope you had a nice Easter and hopefully a long weekend?

They Say

They have that saying about a change being as good as a break and I say... why not both?

I, with a bit of planning, was able to take last week off and so Jason and I headed out camping.

It's been quite a while, actually, since I went camping somewhere other than in or on the way to Nevada and the first time Jason and I had camped together (we had a talk pre-game about expectations... as in, I expect to do very little but sit around and stare at a fire!) and the first time I'd gone camping in my car.

I'm currently still exhausted and while I can't say the trip was awesome, it wasn't the worst, and I should be spending this time that I'm typing this up writing down the things I need to check on, deal with, upgrade, buy for next time, etc.

Hopefully I'll get a good night's sleep and be rested and a bit more cleaned up (my place is in the process of unpacking) and will be able to settle and tell you some of the stories from the trip.

Will I camp with Jason again?  Well, like childbirth (or so I've heard), I seem to be already forgetting the worst parts and yeah, would probably do it again.. with some adjustments.